Foreigner of Reality

15

So... you came back again... But this time, I wasn't begging you to come back into my arms, I wasn't begging for forgiveness, I wasn't begging for love. I was telling you goodbye. I think it scared you that I was finally ready to leave you. You have tried to say goodbye to me many times for a few months now, none have been successful because I always came back. But this time, I was telling you to leave. You said no. As if I was asking for your permission. Were you afraid I fell for someone new? Were you afraid I was done with our memories? I can't say either are incorrect. I was sick of you forever being brought up in conversation since you took up so much of the previous year. I was sick of going to places in town and seeing your face at every corner of every block. I was sick of feeling like I wasn't ready for a relationship because you were still holding me down, yet I was single. I am sick of the thought of you. I am sick of everything you introduced me to. I am sick of the person you molded me into. I miss me. Yet I don't... I don't miss the person I was before you, I don't miss the person I became because you, neither were good people. I guess I miss a person I've yet to become. I've never been quite happy with who I am. I'm always looking into the distance and seeing a person I should be or could be. I always become that person but once I have that new vantage point, I see a new and improved me I want to become so I jump again. I'm in mid transition currently. Between the person you made me become and the person I want to be. With this new me, I'm now understanding why I don't need you. This new me is a new chapter in the book of my life. With every chapter I grow stronger in some way even if it's little, I find this improvement very large. At the end of my last chapter, I've learned how to be an individual. If I were to pinpoint any one thing that has changed the most in the last year is my maturity level. I'm not saying I don't laugh and make stupid jokes or anything but I've learned how to be more of an adult. Now I have no way of predicting if I would've hit this maturity level without you, But from my view point I am who I am because I went through you. So I guess here's to you, thank you for throwing me into the next chapter of my life. I'm more excited than you could imagine.