Foreigner of Reality

24

When I was growing up, no one around me ever mentioned the LGBT community. I didn't see couples around my town or anyone who didn't seem "normal", I just had no idea about that whole other side of existence. And still, I had a "girlfriend" in 1st grade. No one had to tell me what being gay was or that girls dated each other or boys dated each other, I knew what I felt was okay. As I grew older, I met a transgender girl when we were 10 years old. That was when I got the talk about the LGBT community and the same day I was taught that it was wrong to be a part of it by my homophobic parents. And yet, it didn't stop me from having my first kiss at age 11 with a girl. But when I got to high school, that all stopped for me. I blocked out that whole side of myself because I had surrounded myself with homophobic people for 2 years, deciding it was easiest to identify as straight. It wasn't until I had a very accepting boyfriend when I was 15 and 16 that I was comfortable and able to come out as bisexual and I was so greatly accepted by the people around me, except my parents. They still claim it's not true to this day and ignore that whole side of me at all costs. And even though I was officially out of the closet I wasn't having an easy time being interested in girls that weren't straight. At 17 I got very involved with a boy who was extremely toxic and we broke up after a very short period, but only after I lost my virginity. After dating him, I decided maybe my chances with my usual toxic guys weren't so great and I was open to dating new, different people. I sent a message out to a bunch of my friends basically asking them if they had anyone that would be interested in going on a date with me. I actually got many responses, to my surprise, but most of which were guys I was incredibly not interested in. Until one of my friends responds saying her friend Audrey was interested in me. My friend then sends a picture of Audrey and I sat and just stared at my phone in awe. I had long lost hope in dating a girl in high school as none seemed all that interested in me and the only girl I was interested in was straight, I was surprised to say the least. I quickly responded I would love to go on a date with this girl long before the fear hit me. She was a beautiful blonde with blue eyes and I still couldn't believe this lesbian girl was interested in me. But then it hit me, this would be my first relationship with a girl. I had only dated guys up to this point unless you count my experimenting in elementary school, I had absolutely no idea what to do. She said we could go as slow as I wanted to get used to it and be comfortable. And now we're up to current day, trying to plan a date with Audrey still in shock that I'd found her, well that she found me I guess. I'm scared and I have no idea what to do and completely unable to tell my parents which is really sad actually. But this is a whole part of who I am and even if they refuse to accept me for who I am, I can't. I'm excited to see where this leads me and excited to experience a real relationship with a girl. So here is to new life events, god knows I'll be back with an update with how it goes with her.