Foreigner of Reality

2

It's you. You, are an often fleeting thought. It was supposed to be the end, we made amends, yet here you are. I was ready to move on, to let the memories lie. Yet you came back. I wanted it to be over and gone, yet I wanted every possible moment we had back. How could I let you go, as my first love. You were different, you gave me a better perspective on life, you helped me turn my life around without you even knowing it. I went from that little depressed girl who would do anything to any guy for attention, to a woman who deserves your respect and won't fight for anyone's attention. You will never understand how much that meant to me. I honestly do feel like you saved me, from being old me, I will never let myself fall again. I'm almost two years clean and I have not even a spot of depression left and I thank you for that. You taught me that I am a woman who deserves the world, I deserve happiness, I deserve respect, I deserve love. The hardest part of moving on, I only felt loved by you, I only want to be loved you. I only wanted your hands on me, only your lips. I still don't feel like any man deserves me besides you, no man's love will ever be as valued as yours. You're different and I don't know why I can't move on, just forget you. You forced me to open up my mind and accept the world so much more, I learned to hate less with you. I've never fell in love with anyone but you and I wish it would stay that way. I don't know what is to come of the future, I wish deep down it would only be you and me. I will never forget the first time you told me you loved me, or your smile, your laugh, your humor, your silly personality, or your love. God, I could list on and on the things that I love about you because there was not a thing that I didn't love about you. And you family, god your family! I miss your mom so much, I miss your sister. Sadly, they treated me better than my own family has ever treated me and I honestly felt loved and respected at your house. I miss that. I miss that entire chunk of my life, it was the hardest time I've ever been through with my dad and I was crying just about every day. And you and your family were there for me the entire time and I couldn't be more grateful for what they did for me. I miss the past but we're both different now and I want what we used to have but so much better. I want an upgrade from what we used to have with you and only you because so far I haven't met a guy who even compares with you. I don't want to.