::i hate you too, thanks. //

letter 2

-this is for a guy that i'm really close to. let's refer to him as mr. nice goth- 

dear mr. nice goth, 

i don't remember clearly what happened when we officially met, but i believe we started talking to each other when i transferred my math class. it was an advanced one, and yet, you were a genius at it. and we started talking on facebook, because you were also a genius at computer programming and photoshop. 

you told me that we started talking by you sending me dank memes about suicides, but i thought you were telling me to do those things, which was clearly not your intention. 

but i think i fell in love with you one time, not being able to control myself away from you. i was acting like a basic leach, so attracted to you. my friends got annoyed with me that one time when we went to thailand altogether, because i spent most of my time talking to you and sharing earphones everytime we see each other. you even invited me to sit next to you, which flattered me very much. 

but it wasn't the case for you, was it? you liked somebody else, yet i kept looking up on you, like a sad puppy dog. laughing at all your shitty jokes and memes, listening to you elaborately speaking about a mathematical concept, etc., i probably have never been in the abyss of infatuation for this long. 

then one day, i got you mad. i got you really mad, i think. you blocked me for few days, and i got sad. we stopped talking to each other for a long time, like 6 months or so. i lost interest in you, and you lost yours. you got girlfriends, and i stayed back. 

a month ago, we started talking to each other again. you brought my closed heart to be open and vulnerable again. it's not that i'm still in love with you, but you are still in a part of my heart. as a best friend. 

yet, i better be careful, because i'm demisexual, even if this is irrelevant to whatever i say. 

i still don't know if you are joking or not sometimes, but i enjoy your company at 3 am. 

thanks for being there, mr. nice goth. 

sincerely,

alastair.