Letters to J

August 07, 2017

August 07, 2017.

To,

Ever thoughtful "J",

The worth of something increases over time, they say. And time was all we had, lots and lots of time. After prom, we rarely saw each other except for the subway where you avoided my eye in case your friends noticed that you were blatantly staring at me.

It was the last day of school, the day when you approached me again. I felt as if my heart would jump right out of my chest. I had been waiting. The distance between us had stretched far too long and I was starting to think that I was becoming insignificant to you. You said you wanted to talk, in privacy and I enthusiastically said, yes.

You promised to meet me at Andy's Diner at 8 that night. Was it a date or two friends catching up over dinner? I guess I'll never know.

There is a beauty in sit down dinners which I absolutely adore. It's not the music or the ambiance. It's that cluttering noise of cutlery against china, the clinking of spoons against glasses and everything else colliding in synchronization. All these insignificant details and suddenly they create a background for that one significant person. It's where everything turns to a  slight murmur, a general daze washes over you and every insignificant thing just leads up to something so significant. That's when you realize, that you are deeply and insatiably in love with the person in front of you, when even a thousand distractions fail to keep your attention because somebody else already holds it. That person was you, "J".

Every word that tumbled out of your mouth that day was dipped in honey and sugar dusted with compliments. Friends never compliment each other, at least not the way you did. That was the first sign. I don't have to remember each and every word you spoke that night because they are imprinted in my mind for eternity, only for me to know. However, there was this one thing you said which left me speechless. We were having dessert, chocolate fondue.

"I don't think I've ever had something as heavenly as chocolate fondue." I confessed.

You stared at me with those endless eyes and the huskiest voice ever and said, "I have."

At that time, I just shrugged it off but it was another sign. Later on, you refused to let go of my hand when you walked me back home. Your alibi was that you were keeping me safe from the horrors of the night. Then midway home, your grasp on my hand tightened and you started sprinting in the opposite direction, dragging me along. We spent the rest of the night at the beach, reveling in each other's company, forgetting time and everything. It was when you proposed the idea of sitting on the edge of the big rock on the coastline, which dipped down into the sea that I freaked out

It was midnight and there was no one else on the beach and you had the brilliant idea of us hanging on for dear life. I remember every breathe you took, every movement your body made, on wards from that moment.

You helped me climb the rock. At the very edge of it, I stood, my heart beating erratically against my rib cage, a strong gust of sea breeze almost knocking me off balance, when I felt your warm body encasing mine from behind. Your strong arms wrapped around my waist and engulfed me in your cinnamon and woodsy smell.

 All my senses were set ablaze. I was the shy girl who had not gone far than holding a guy's hand. You stared at me with mixed emotions and held me in your embrace till my breathing turned normal and I relaxed. My eyes were closed when you whispered those sinfully burning words.       " I'll never let you go"

And I believed. Simple and naive me, believed every word that came out of your mouth as a sacred truth. Who was I to know that you held my paper heart in your paper hands and we would both cut ourselves on each other's sharp edges.

Yours benignly,

A.