A series of goodbye letters written over the course of a month, to her dying lover in the hospital waiting room.
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Amelia is a girl who lives in her bubble, surround...
I was unconscious for hours before my eyes fluttered open and I found myself in an unfamiliar room. The clock on the bed stand read 2 am and I immediately panicked. I was sure my friends were losing it. They would be worried sick but I couldn't make myself rise from the comfort of the bed. My body was too hot and my head pounded with a raging headache. I tried to make sense of where I was and then it struck me.
The football jersey hung in front of the closet, your camera sat on your night stand as if you had been looking at pictures through the night but you know what gave it away, that photograph of you when you were a baby clutched in your mother's arms. I remember it from the night I snuck in your room. That feels like a life time ago. This time though the picture didn't stand alone on your night stand. It was adjacent to another picture, of a girl. A girl whose hair was splayed on the picnic blanket, her eyes shut and her hand clutched in someone else's. It was me. I don't think I have ever looked so serene or beautiful before than I did in that picture. It was the day we had a picnic on the beach. You must've taken it when I was asleep.
I was in your room but why? Was it because I was your play thing? And who brought me here? Was it those guys? All these questions plagued my mind but I didn't have enough time to dwell on them for there was the presence of someone else in the room that startled me.
I hadn't seen you when I was inspecting my surroundings. You were sat in a chair right next to the bed but your face was enveloped in darkness and I could only faintly make out the bruises that littered your face from the rays of the night light. Did you save me? Finally after a century of silence, you spoke.
"You scared the shit out of me, love!" You spoke helplessly.
I looked away. I didn't want to cry and melt in your arms. Those guys weren't the only people who hurt me. The reason I was like this was because of you. If you hadn't lied, I wouldn't be in this condition. I didn't even know what had happened after I lost my senses and to be completely honest I dreaded to hear what it was. But I couldn't escape the confrontation any longer. You were a hair's breadth away from my face and I hated our closeness. It always made me numb.
You tilted my face towards yours so I could see clearly at your injured face, your bloodshot eyes and that bright coral lipstick mark on your collar which made my heart swell and burst, my eyes wet with fast streaming tears. You knew why I was crying. The guilt was etched on your face.
" You hate me I know that. I deserve all the hate that you possess for me but for the love of everything that is Holy don't ever put yourself in danger again" You exasperated, breathlessly, still intoxicated.
I wanted to shout out that if it was dangerous, why were you a part of it. I wanted to say I did it for you. I wanted to say a lot of things but my words always fell short when it came to you.
I sat up, dried my tears and looked straight into your eyes and let my heart out.
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"I admit I don't know how to be in a relationship. I also know that I'm nowhere near perfect. I am no angel, no beauty and in no way special but I know my worth J. Nobody, however despicable they might be deserve to be treated this way. Of all the guys I could've been with, I chose you! I chose you because I thought you could be trusted. I gave you my heart, my soul, my everything and you only lied. You broke me! Congratulations J, your "play thing" has been played with and all because of you! I don't know how you can live with yourself. Your "friends" drugged me and God knows what they did after-"
You put your hand on my mouth and stopped me from destroying myself any further. By now I was a crying heaving mess and you were no different. You kissed my forehead and spoke in a shaking voice,
"Baby, I didn't let them a touch a hair on your body. I would kill them if they even thought of it! They would never hurt you. I got there before they could even look at you. I found you unconscious and I lost it. I don't think I've ever fought someone with so much rage. I didn't even care about my bruises; all I knew was that they had drugged you. My Amy. My love. My girl. And that I had to protect you at all costs. Your friends are in the downstairs guest bedroom. They were so angry at me. I think even Mark hates me now, as he should, as they all should. I didn't let anyone come near you. I carried you in here and when I laid you down on the bed my heart ached. I had done this to you. I broke you but baby what was I supposed to do? I love you and I can't bear the thought of losing you"
By the end of your confession, I don't think there was even an inch of skin left which you hadn't kissed as if you were worshipping a Goddess. Your words were true, I know they were. But sadly they weren't enough and the only thing I said before I stormed, high out of my mind, out of the room was,
"But you hurt me, more than I could bear and sorry to say this but your worst fear has come to life, J. you have lost me!"
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And then I left you alone and broken in that room. My vision still blurred but I didn't care. My legs faltered yet I continued to make my way downstairs. The party had ended long ago it seemed as the floor resembled a graveyard of bottles and paper plates. My friends had heard my abrupt arrival and poured out of the guest bedroom. I didn't have the energy to face them. I blocked out their voices and ran, ran as far as my shaking faltering legs and blurred vision could take me. My lungs were set afire by the exhaustion and my body lulled me to a place of comfort.
I didn't know in my inebriated state that I had found my way to the same part of the beach, through the short cut, where you promised to never let me fall. You lied "J"! You let me fall in the most brutal and unforgivable way possible. You made me fall for you and then when I did you refused to break my fall.
It was only a few minutes but to me it was like hours had passed by before your car came screeching over here and all hell broke loose.................
