EMBROIL [BOOK ONE]

Title 19: I'm Sorry

~Published July 16, 2017~

It's been two days since Ian has left. Two days of hell, thinking about where he could be, or if he was okay? Being with Monica one can only assume the worst. Mickey hasn't been taking it well that Ian is gone, that is what I believe since he won't answer my calls. I could understand the heartbreak he is going through. I've gone through it plenty of times. Surprisingly, my heart is not hurting, I feel okay. One can say that my heart has endured so many cracks that it finally fell apart. It's at a point that it's officially numb. Maybe that's the reason why I push Charlie away? He has been calling me since that day he asked me to be his girlfriend. He eventually gave up and now here I am thinking about him. I rolled over in my bed and grabbed my phone off the night stand. I unlocked the home screen and noticed that it was ten in the morning. I went to my call history and saw all the outgoing calls I made to Ian yesterday. There must have been at least fifteen and he sent every single one to voicemail. This should be my turning point in my life. This should be the moment when I finally realize that I should let Ian go. He needs to go and figure out who is really is and wants. His actions should motivate me to do the same. I need to stop waiting around for him. I need to move on with my life, get out there, and become a better version of myself. There is always that one silver of doubt in the back of my mind, that one voice that holds me back. Before I realized what I was doing my fingers scrolled down my contacts, slightly hovering over the number, but it didn't last long. Soon enough the dial tone sounded in my ear. It took only two rings until I heard his voice flow out of the phone.

"Hey Charlie." I greeted him in a soft tone. 

A soft sigh could be heard, "Hey you had me scared there for a while. I thought that I would never hear from you again."

I rolled back onto my back as I stared up at the ceiling, "I know I'm sorry. It's just been crazy over here and I just lost track of time."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I could hear movement from his end making me believe he took a seat somewhere.

I was hesitant but everything just flowed out, "Ian got arrested and sent to military prison because he used false information on his registration papers. Then he was being charged with going AWOL and damaging government property."

He stood silent as he continued to listen to my little rant.

"So when I went back to go and visit him with his sister and boyfriend, it turns out that he was already released to his back shit crazy mother. Now he has runaway and won't return any of my calls. I have been losing my mind from worrying so much." After getting everything off my chest, I felt better.

"Can I be honest with you Jo?" He asked me.

I felt myself taken back a bit by his question but I was curious, "Ask away."

"Do you think that maybe it's for the best that he left?" He slowly asked me and waited for a reaction. 

I was completely confused by his question, "What do you mean? Of course I don't think it's for the best. He is out who knows where without his medication and anything can set him off into a breakdown. He doesn't have me there with him to keep him grounded. He needs me."

"Listen to yourself. I'm sorry babe but don't you think that maybe he doesn't need you? Hear me out before you say anything." He paused as he waited for me to snap and once he realized that I wasn't he continued, "He is going through a big change in his life and if I was in his shoes...I would want to runaway for a while. You're his best friend so you out of all people should know that he is just lost. He just needs to be lost for a while until he finds himself."

I brushed my hair back from my face and leaned deeper into my pillow, "What if he stays lost?"

"I'm sure he will then go back to his friend. Give him time." His voice sent me in a calm state of mind.