Ronan: To the Moon and Back

28. Does God Hate the Sickly

Trigger Warnings (also, this gets a bit Godly, so if that's a bother or offensive to anyone....sorry)

Yesterday was rough, Raelyn thinks, coming back from the Hospice's cafe for lunch. Though apparently not as rough as the next thing to come out of her brothers mouth once she settles back onto his bed. Ronan blinks his blue eyes up at her and tilts his head. Rae snaps a quick little picture.

"Ra-Ra. Are they coming back?" Ronan asks suddenly.

"Is who coming back, Ro?" Rae inquiress, putting away her camera in her new bag.

"Lexi and Mandi. They said we could play. Why don't they want to play with me anymore?"

Ronan is unknowingly pulling at her heart strings. How is she suppose to tell him that his friends aren't ever come back. She feels the usual beginning of her spasms and chooses to ignore it. She can't have a break down in front of her brother they way she did last night with Louis and Zayn. Rae opens her mouth to speak when Ronan interrupts her.

With a pout on his face, he says, "Did God steal them?"

Fuck. Okay, okay, she can do this. "Bud, God didn't steal them. He just...He...brought them to...Neverland. Yeah, He just brought them to Neverland."

Ronan perks up, blue eyes bright and so innocently wide. "Where you never grow old!?"

Swallowing the sudden lump in her throat and ignoring the twinge in her chest, Rae nods. "Right. Where you never grow old." She smiles, pulls her brother onto her lap and presses little kisses all over his forehead.

It makes Ronan giggle into her shoulder. The room is quiet all expect for Raelyn singing softly in his ear. She gets to the middle of You are my Sunshine, when Ronan's curiosity gets the best of him.

"Sissy." He whispers, twisting backwards in her arm to see her face. "Does God hate me?"

It is so simply asked, it makes Rae halt her singing mid sentence. She's silent a second too long, and Ronan actually taps his hand against her cheek. "W-what?" Rae stutters slowly, after her shock wares off.

"God." Ronan repeats, pointing one finger up towards the ceiling. "Why does God hate me?"

Right, maybe she can't do this. "Ronan sweetie, what makes you think God hates you?"

"I'm sick." The little boy states, like he is telling his sister that the sky is blue. "Did He make me have cancur because He doesn't like me?"

Rae feels something like an anvil falling onto her heart, crushing it until there is nothing but dust settling in her chest. It's suddenly difficult to breathe properly. She adjusts the grey beanie Louis had given him the second time they had visited.

"Ronan. God could never hate you. Ever. Never ever."

"But why? Why did he give me cancur?" Ronan's eyes pierce into his older sisters. Confused, and innocent and wanting answers.

How is she suppose to answer this. She doesn't know, they never went over this with her or her mum. How the bloody hell is she suppose to answer a four year olds question to the hatred of God? She has no idea where it came from. He's only a four year old boy. A smart four year old.

Sighing, Rae softly kisses Ronan's nose. "Ro, listen to me, yeah? God didn't make you sick. He doesn't hate you, Bud. God is just trying his best to make you feel better."

"Like the doctors!"

"Exactly. Like the doctors. He's helping the doctors make you feel better so you can come home. Would you like to come home for Christmas?" Rae take her brothers face between her hands while he nods eagerly. "God loves you, Ronan. I love you, and mummy loves you and Rex loves you and Jackie and Greg and Cody, and Olivia. All your friends here love you."