Ronan: To the Moon and Back

55. Rain Came Pouring Down

Trigger Warnings: funeral events, grief, everything that comes with the loss of a loved one. But something happens in this chapter that's rather essential.

AN: I'm sorry for all the warnings, but as this story deals with the reality of these situations, I feel like its always important to list them.

Unbeknownst to anyone, besides Jasper, all week Rae and her mother -when her mum was actually up to it- have been planning the funeral. There have been phone calls made to floral shops, a service scheduled, a funeral home booked, and one finical break down where Rae had calculated the bill. That was when Jasper gently took over, told her not to worry about it, and sent her upstairs.

Now Rae is standing in her room, hands shoved into her back pockets and having a staring contest with her camera. She hasn't touched it for a week. She can't, hasn't be able too. There's just been too many memories of Ronan, all captured in time on it. Maybe she doesn't have to make a slide show, maybe she can just take one of the pictures already framed and display it that way. However, her mother had asked her to do this, and no matter how painful it'll be for her, it will always be doubled with her mother. So, she's going to do this.

She's going to scroll through all the pictures not yet uploaded, take all the undeveloped film rolls, search through her computer files and put together a slide show of Ronan. Rae briefly considers calling Louis, at least he can be a silent rock in the background in case the process becomes too much for her. Slowly, she begins to gather her camera bag, carefully putting in rolls of film, memory cards, and grabs her laptop. 

She sends a text to Angelique on her way over, and when she arrives at the loft, turned art studio turned dark room, Angelique is there with open arms. Rae sinks into her friends comforting embrace, holds tight to her for a few moments. When they break apart, Angelique offers her a small smile, and gestures behind her.

"I've got Baileys. Hazelnut."

***

Rae makes it through a good hour before she cracks. She sits in the corner of the room, hugging her knees to her chest and squeezing her elbows so she doesn't dig her fingers into her healing skin. She was halfway through setting up the slide show, half way through picking out the freshly developed photos when she came across one that stopped her in her tracks. She was watching the blank photo as it developed, the image slowly coming to life beneath the developing liquid. When her brain registered what the picture was, her heart clenched painfully, her chest muscles tightened, her breath caught in her throat.

The photo had to be taken recently. Ronan is embraced by Rae herself, her arms wrapped around him, hugging him to her chest. His cheek is pressed against hers, two smiles fading into a soft memory they just shared. His beanie is askew, knocked off balance from when he smushed his face against hers. Their eyes are opened, both focused somewhere right of the camera, and Rae can't even remember anyone sneaking a picture. Rae had carefully taken the photo out after it was done with the developing process, and gently hung it up to dry.

Now, as she continues to huddle in the corner, she ponders who even took the photo. Maybe one of the nurses snapped a quick one before they came for Ronan's treatment. Maybe Jackie was walking by and seized the opportunity. Or maybe Greg was making his rounds, picked up her camera and took it. She doesn't know, and as Rae fights the urge to dig her nails into her chest, rather than her elbows, she's grateful for the picture.

Angelique came to check up on her, ended up walking in during this realization, and stayed. Rae watches her now as she finishes developing the rest of the photos. Eyes following her friends movements as she carefully hangs photos, gently placing some in the drying racks. She's a silent comfort for Rae, allows her to feel things in her own head, on her own time and Rae truly appreciates that.