Ronan: To the Moon and Back

54. Give Me Love, I'll Give It Back to You

TW: Panic attacks...and mood swings

Louis is pacing back and forth across the floor in Rae's room, anxiously biting at his fingernails. It's not that he's worried, Rae's a big girl, she's shown she can handle herself more than once. However, when Niall came knocking on her door, interrupting the little kisses Louis was placing all along her face just to make her giggle, and informed Rae that she was needed downstairs, the look on her face made Louis' stomach flip. 

There's no doubt she's in the kitchen right now, probably forced to have a civil conservation with her father, possibly digging her fingers into the table so she doesn't maul at her raw chest. Or maybe she's gritting her teeth so hard her jaw begins to ache. Maybe she is trying not to throw the fruit bowl at her father's head. Maybe she's having a panic attack right now and Louis isn't down there to help and- alright, he is completely worried.

"You're going to ware a hole through the floor, ya know." Niall states from the circle chair he's nestled himself into after Rae had left.

In exchange for her, the other lads were sent up as well. Zayn informing Louis it was Rae who told them to wait in her room. Louis' been ignoring them all for the past fifteen minutes. He doesn't mean too, he just can't stop wondering what's going on downstairs. It's been quiet, no shouting or sounds of anything breaking; that has to be a good sign, right?

"So you told her you love her, finally?" Niall continues, ignoring Louis ignoring them. That makes him halt his steps.

"What?" Harry asks shocked, head snapping up from one Rae's portfolios he was looking at. "When did this happen?"

Sighing, Louis runs his hand through his hair once, before dragging it down his face. "Right before France."

"Right before..." Liam starts, "But we hardly had time to- oh! Oh." Realization dawns on his face.

"Literally." Louis tells them. "Right before we left. It just happened, I blurted it out and then jetted off to France. It wasn't exactly the way I planned it."

"She hasn't said it back." Zayn states quietly.

"Spotted." Louis snaps. "Bloody observant, you."

His attitude doesn't even faze Zayn. He doesn't even move from his spot on the bed, laying on his back with his head hanging off the foot of the bed. He just blinks slowly, like this whole exchange is boring him to sleep, but Louis knows. He's been eerily silent this whole time; not shifting, hardly even breathing it looked like. Louis knows it's because he was attuning his ears for anything suspicious noise from downstairs.

"Give it time, Lou." He suggests. "You don't have to worry if she feels the same or not. I know she does."

"That's not what I'm worried about." Louis sighs once again, defeated and plopping down next to Liam. "You didn't see her earlier. How angry she was, how hurt she is. She won't ever admit it, but I see it."

"I think that says it all, really." Harry speaks softly, gesturing to the mess still on the floor. "Should I-?"

Louis cuts him off. "No. Trust me, she'd want to do it herself."

The only warning they get before the door opens is the last few stomping steps up the stairs, and Rae is suddenly there, hand gripping tightly to the handle. All five boys sit alert, breaths held anxiously until the fire in Rae's eyes softens a little. Louis can see her arms shaking, doesn't know if it's from anger or the aftereffects of an attack; he hopes it's the former. She blinks a few times, clearing the expression in her eyes, then smiles softly.