The Shadow's Secret│TMNT

27 || The Midst of a War Zone - Part 2

I glanced around, suddenly concerned about a certain turtle's whereabouts.

Resisting the urge to ask one of the brothers, I turned back to the movie and caught Leo's gaze in the process.

He knew. For whatever reason in hell, he just knew. He jerked his head to the right, towards Splinter's room. I grimaced inwardly.

I can imagine how much fun Raph's having with Sensei. I only nodded to him and averted my gaze to the screens across the room.

I must've drifted off a bunch of times because I'd open my eyes to answer one of Mikey's questions and the movie would seem to have jumped ahead fifteen minutes.

I didn't realize how tired I was. All those late nights...

Midnight talks. I clenched my jaw and sharply locked the thought away into a cage in the back of my mind.

This inner turmoil shit is really starting to piss me off! Why the hell does it have to be so complicated! Why the hell can't I just decide and be done with it!? Why the hell am I allowing my heart and head to reenact the hundred-year war!?

Why!? Why!? Why!?!?

Ugh!!

This is ridiculous! I just wish I'd never even met the turtles!

Okay, maybe you're being a bit dramatic.

No, you're being perfectly normal. Your life would be a million times easier if none of this had ever happened.

Whoever said the easy way is the better way?

You are, right now. Besides, that dick-head never deserved your company, so why should you stick around? You can walk outta here and never come back. Tell Leo you're done, stop lying to Olivia, get your life back.

Life isn't some stroll down Candy Cane Lane. It's this long highway with a million exits and potholes and broken bridges with literally zero gas stations in sight. This is your life. It was always meant to be. And this exit you took is leading you down another highway. With new potholes, new bridges, new passengers and new horizons. Why would you ever turn around and just drop this?

Uh, because the biggest asshole in the world is sitting in the passenger seat and sending you careening into a volcano, only to save you. And then drop you again whenever you begin to trust him again.

That asshole has been living in a sewer with four other boys all his life, so of course he has awful social skills, what else can you expect from him? Impeccable manners?

That's still no excuse when Donnie and Leo are super polite.

Ugh, that's because they're all different people. Donnie's shyness prompts him to be considerate. Leo's been keeping his brothers in check and saving people all his life, he's just naturally courteous. Mikey literally says and does anything he thinks, but he's also the youngest so what else can you expect? And Raph...he just shows that he cares differently. And you know that from personal experience.

Raphael is a dick and cares nothing about you. He pretends to enjoy your company and care, but it kills him, which is why he eventually lashes out at you.

No, he's just afraid.

That guy is fearless!

He may not be scared of horror movies and bad guys, but he's afraid of the people he cares about getting hurt. He's afraid of not being strong enough and letting people down.