The Shadow's Secret│TMNT

47 || Fractured

Okay, get a grip. I can't just leave things like this, I need to talk to him and work it out. He's gonna be pissed but I need to. He probably went to the lair. I glanced up at my open window continuing to allow cold winds to drift inside. I looked like absolute shit from doing absolutely nothing today but I didn't care in the slightest as I slipped out the window—

And almost slit my throat on the deadly sharp edge of a sai blade.

"Raph–!"

"You better have a hell of a good reason for whatever bullshit I just heard back there," Raphael spat, tightening his already-tight grip on the weapon's handle.

"I'm sorry, I–"

"Don't say that," he growled. "I don't wanna fuckin hear it. Just tell me who knows and what they know." I stared at him in horror, unable to utter a single word. "Now!" He ordered, pressing his blade closer to my throat. A tear escaped the corner of one eye and I turned my head so he wouldn't see it.

"Raph, I am sorry. I don't–"

"I don't care," he sneered, stepping closer to me.

"Yes, you do."

"Don't you–"

"Just let me explain," I begged. He narrowed his eyes, his expression contorting into one of scalding anger.

"You can explain your fuckin heart out to the others but I'm done listening to your bullshit," he said, taking another step closer so I had to strain my head back to look at his face. "Now tell me what she knows."

"I'll tell you anything you want if you'll just hear me out," I offered. "Please."

He glared at me, long and hard and barren of mercy. It was as if we'd rewound to last week when Raph refused to trust me. Only this time, he had trusted me and I'd broken that trust. And that was so much worse.

"Five seconds," he said, pulling his sai back a bit.

"I regret it but I didn't know what else to do because you were being an ass and I needed her to help me decide whether or not I should put up with it because I wanted to hang around you because I care about you but I didn't know if you hated me and I needed her to tell me if I should just give up on trying to be your friend because I couldn't tell if you wanted me as a friend since you were always being an ass!" I cried. I'd definitely already surpassed the allotted five seconds but he was still listening and I wasn't about to pass up possibly my only opportunity. "Raph, I know what I did was wrong and there's no excuse for it but I didn't have any intention of hurting you guys. I'd never do that and you know that whether you want to believe it or not," I blinked hard against the threat of more tears and sucked in a breath to steady my voice. "I know you didn't want to trust me, and I know it was shitty of me to convince you to and then do exactly what you thought I would, but I feel awful about it and I wish I could take everything back but I can't and I can't tell you how much that kills me."

Raphael lifted his heavy gaze to me. "I did want to trust you," he said, correcting me with a low, almost hostile tone. "And I wish I could take that back, too." I felt my heart fracture with those words. A wave of his sai sealed my lips from immediately launching into another desperate explanation.

"What does she know?"

I narrowed my eyes at him as I recalled how I'd first described him to Olivia, deciding that if he wanted the truth I'd give it to him exactly how I'd given it to Liv; word-by-word if I had to.

"Your name is Raphael. I met you my first day working at the zoo. You're tall, super cut, you have red-ish hair and green eyes. You do martial arts, which is why you have a bunch of scars: a weird one on your shoulder, one on your lip and one on the inside of your arm. You're a total hot-head and have zero social skills. You're pissed at the world and constantly keep up a tough guy act that you drop when you're around me. You're actually a total softie and when you do open up to me we always have fun together, but then you get mad for showing weakness and mask it by lashing out at me," I paused, letting my words sink in and holding my stare on him. "I only mentioned you having one brother to Olivia but Uncle Tom knows you have three. He also knows that sometimes you're an arrogant asshat but you just use that to hide your soft side. You're actually really sweet, and fun, and good at listening when I need you to be. And you'd always try to hide yourself behind your anger, so I wasn't sure if you liked showing me that side of you or if you just hated me or what." I hugged myself against the chills gradually seeping into my body. "Happy?" I demanded, forcing the word from my mouth with as much acidity as I could muster.