I want you to stay. But I have to go away.
"Now I must move on.. Trying to forget all the memories of you near me. But I can't let go of your love that has taught me.. To hold on."
Summer, 2015
"Babe, please. Pangarap ko 'to. Suportahan mo naman ako." Sabi ni Donny.
"Dons, sana naman alam mo hinihingi mo. Itatago natin relasyon natin sa lahat. Tapos makikipagloveteam ka pa? Naisip mo ba ako? Oo, pangarap mo 'to. Never naman kitang pinigilan e. Pero eto? Hihingiin mo sakin 'to, Donny? Eto na nga lang pinanghahawakan ko satin Donny e." sagot ko sa kanya habang umiiyak.
"You know that I love you. Every single day, second there is, Tasha." Sampid ni Donny ng tahimik.
"Ayun na nga Donny e. Alam ko. Pero nararamdaman ko pa ba? Akala ko ba Donny kasama ako sa mga pangarap mo? Pero bakit ganun? Nararamdaman kong iniiwan mo na ako." sabi ko kay Donny habang umiiyak.
Hindi ko na kayang pigilan yung sakit e. Sobra na kasi.
"Tasha.. We're still young. You know we have a lot of time in this world. And if I have a choice, I wouldn't do this." Donny said while holding my hand..
I quickly removed my hand from his hands.
"Donny, I don't want this kind of relationship anymore. Ipapalabas mo nalang rin naman na break na tayo. Let's just make it real." I bravely told him as my heart is hurting.
"What did you just say, Tasha? You're breaking up with me? You don't want to be with me anymore?" He asked as he stood up and faced me.
"Yes I am. It is better than hiding our relationship, Donny. And of course, I want to be with you, Donny. Gusto kong sumabay sa pangarap mo. Pero wala e. Iiwan mo lang din ako." I told him.
"You're the one who wants to leave." He told me.
"Donny, what can't you understand from all of this? Hiding our relationship from the public? Being partners with another girl? Make it 'real'. Where do I fit in those Donny? Wala. As if I never existed. I hope you understand, Donny. It is for your career. And for me, I have to move forward as well. Ang hirap makipagsabayan sa ganun. We are bestfriends, Donny. I know what your heart desires. I know what you want in life." I told him.
He is now kneeling in front of me and crying.
"Donny, you're not the type of a cryer. But please don't cry because of me. You want this. You worked hard for this. I am just making it easier for you." I told him as I brushed my hand on his hair.
He looked at me, like it was begging me not to go.
"Tasha.. Please don't. I'm doing this for us. For our future." He told me.
"Donny... Like what you've said mga bata pa tayo.. Let's explore the world. Know our limitations. I don't know. Masakit na kasi e. You don't know how much it hurts whenever I'll get to watch you with another woman. I did not sign up for this." I told him.
"But Tasha.." he said.
"Donny. I love you and nothing will change about that. But it is so obvious that you want your career rather than your relationship. Ako nalang maglelet go, Donny" I told him.
