"Letting you go is never easy. But I love you so"
Days have passed and I haven't talked to Tasha. It's hard. I really didn't know what came into my mind to agree to Sunny's condition. Maybe I just didn't want to hurt anyone... but, that decision turned out to be the wrong decision. I ended up hurting the three of us.
I can't imagine my life without her ever since we've got back together. But here I am.. back at square one. I don't know what to do with my life. Fck. I hate this. I want her back... but she said.. she was done. She was done with us.
How can I make up for everything? I don't know what to do.
I heard a knock.. and it was my mom.
"Donny, how are you anak?" Mom asked.
"Mom... I'm hurting." I answered as my tears came falling down with no control.
My mom hugged me.
"Mom, I never meant to hurt her... But I already did." I said again.
"Anak, what happened? Your siblings won't tell me. I tried contacting Tasha, anak. The only thing that she told me is that she's sorry for giving up. What happened anak? Tell mom. I'll understand." She said. I looked at her with doubt, but my mom gave me a reassuring smile that she will understand.
"Mom, I cheated on her." I said strongly enough to admit my mistake.
My mom looked surprised but remained quiet.
"I didn't want to hurt anybody.. even if it meant that I'll be sacrificing my own freedom, my happiness. I never thought that it will happen this way. I was meaning to tell Tasha what Sunny and I had for a deal... It was such a hard decision, Mom.. It wasn't easy. I am always feeling guilty and tired. Because I'm giving myself to two people." I said and sighed remembering the decisions I made when Tasha left for Bali.
"When did this all happened? Why didn't you consulted us, anak? We could've helped you through this, anak." Mom said.
"Remember when Tasha left for Bali. The reason why was I lied to her. I went with Sunny to the hospital for her check up. She is sick mom. She needs treatments. She has cancer, stage 1." I said as I cry my heart. Regreting everything that has happened.
"Then when did everything happened?" Mom asked.
"Sunny begged for me to stay with her. She wanted to experience being with me as she was crushing on me for the past years. It was her last wish before she leaves the country. It made me feel trapped. I didn't want to hurt a friend, but I also didn't want to hurt my girlfriend..." I said.
Girlfriend... she used to be my girlfriend. Tasha...
"So you chose to keep it a secret from everyone including Tasha?" Mom asked again.
"Yes mom.. but I made a huge mistake. I did." I said as I cry again remembering how she left me.
"What did you do, anak?" Mom asked with concerned eyes.
"I kissed Sunny. I was caught kissing Sunny when she was about to enter my dressing room. She was about to make up with me that time... but only to find out that I still continued to be with Sunny. Tasha was receiving calls way back from Sunny telling her to leave me because she wants to be with me. But Tasha was right, I was the one who made the decision to throw everything in the thrash." I answered heavy hearted.
"Anak, you know you made a mistake. Why don't you put a stop between you and Sunny? Start making things right as early as you can. Don't waste your time spending it with someone you don't love, Donny. It is better to repent than to regret. I hope you will keep that in mind. You don't really have to be stuck in this position, anak. Show her that you are sorry for what you did. I know your love for each other is stronger than these mistakes, Donny. Though, I hope you will give her time to heal. It's not easy to forget. Forgiving comes easy. What you broke is trust, anak. It won't be easy. I hope you've learned, anak. And always remember, we are always here for you. For whatever decision you will make, we are here anak. We love you so much, anak." Mom said as she hugged me.
I ended up crying remembering every promise we made to each other.
How I wish I could express how sorry I am. I hope you won't let go just yet. Have a little hope in me, Tasha. I need you in my life. Please don't leave me permanently.
-
"Tash, come on. Let's leave the country for a while. Stay with your parents. It will help you." Nell suggested.
"I'm not ready yet. I still want to know why." I answered as tears began to fall.
"Am I ugly? Am I not enough? When I came back from Bali, was I too late? Is there something wrong with me? Why can't I be a priority? The First choice? Why do I always have to let go? Nell.. anong mali sakin?" I asked begging for Nell to tell me.
"Nothing is wrong with you, Tash. You are more than enough. You've given your all, Tash. Wag mong kalimutan yon. Things happened unexpectedly but with reasons. I think this isn't the time for you to know those answers. Have some strength to get back on your feet first. Magpakatatag ka muna. Para kapag nagkita kayo, kaya mo siyang harapin, kaya mo siyang tanungin, kaya mong tanggapin yung sagot niya." She said.
"Tanga ba ako to give him another chance the first time he broke me?" I asked.
"No. I believed it was worth the try." She answered.
"Hindi na ba niya ako mahal?" I asked as I cry my eyes out.
"I believe he still loves you. Nagkamali lang siya." She answered.
"Masakit na pagkakamali." I said.
"I know you are blaming yourself for what happened. But Tash, it was his decision to do this. Please don't, okay? Forgive yourself. Hindi ka nagkulang. Well in fact, sobra pa nga. Nagmahal ka lang. Pain is part of love. I hope you won't forget that. Time will come when you two will be ready to face each other again. For now, focus on yourself. Focus on healing. You don't owe anyone an explanation to what happened. Let them be. Okay? We all love you. You can do this." Nell said.
I hope you know I still love you, Donato. I just need time to think about all these. For myself. And for you too. I miss you. I hope you are doing fine without me. Because I'm not.
