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29

hi everyone, Addison here. just thought i'd like you know that it might be a good idea to skip this chapter if you might be sensitive to topics like self-harm. there aren't any scenes of it happening, it's more Aria and Tyler having a conversation about it. just trying to keep everyone safe. as always, feel free to message me if you need to talk, no matter how unimportant you feel the topic you need to talk about is. i love you all <3

Tyler and I sat in the Columbus airport
waiting for Josh and Jenna once again, as they had volunteered to get all our luggage.

"Ri," Tyler turned to me. "Have you eaten today?"

"Uh," I began, "I don't know."

"Aria," Tyler made eye contact this time. "You haven't have you?"

I was the one to break eye contact. "I'm not doing it intentionally. I'm just still not used to it. I'd go for days without food when l was with my dad, and now to be allowed to snack during the day, and have multiple means just isn't normal. I only eat when i'm hungry, and even that's taking a lot to get used to."

"It's been ages since you've been with your dad though." Tyler said, handing me a fruit bar which l opened and began to eat.

"I know. And i'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry. I just need to make sure you aren't trying to find other — sometimes more dangerous ways to hurt yourself Ri."

That's the thing about Tyler. He was straight to the point, never trying to avoid a subject.

"You know starving yourself is a form of self harm too Ri. Trust me, it anyone is going to know a the different ways to 'secretly' hurt yourself, it's going to be Josh and I. We've been there. And there's no way you're going to get away with it Ri, as blunt as it sounds."

I wasn't sure what to say so l just stayed quiet.

"How bad have your urges been?"

I looked away, trying to avoid verbally answering the question but still giving him an answer.

"I'm sorry Ri. But no one else will ask you, and —"

"Tyler." I interrupted him.

He waited for me to continue.

"You're the only one who has these conversations with me. Sure, Josh will talk to me about it, but it's usually just short and then we change the topic. I do understand what you're trying to do. And I appreciate you caring about me."

"I'm glad you understand Ri."

There was a few moments of silence before Tyler broke it again.

"How bad have your urges been?"

"Honestly, pretty bad. Especially these past month or so."

"Are you trying to stop?"

I nodded.

"At least you're trying. Ri, we don't expect you to stop overnight. I still have my days. And we'll never get mad at you for doing it."

I was genuinely surprised with how well i was taking the whole situation. Usually I'd try to avoid it all, but it was put in a way that there was no way I could get out of answering the question. It broke the tension and anxiety looming over the topic.

"What do you want for your birthday?"

I had been asked this question multiple times in the past few weeks, but l don't think l had ever given a proper answer.

"I really don't know. Could you give me some ideas to choose from?"

"Do you want a musical instrument — a book — technology?"

"Uh," I thought about it. "I've always wanted my own musical instrument."

"Any one in particular?"

"Not really."

"You see, normally I'd be mad and push for more, but that's literally the most you've given me and i've asked you like twelve times so i'm just gonna leave it as that."