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25

"Leave me with a razor, just in case I fall face down on the ground, and somehow I find enough strength to lift my face and make a sound."

Out of all of the songs I had ever heard, these lyrics were ones that stuck with me the most. It was from an unreleased track written by Tyler, which in a way made it so much more special.

It meant a lot to me, especially when I was having a hard day. It reminded me that I could ask for help, that I wasn't completely alone in this whirlwind of thoughts tugging me around like I was some elastic band.

It reminded me not to answer with a fake smile and a nod when faced with the question "are you okay?" if I wasn't okay.

I grabbed my phone and clicked it on to check the time. 1:37pm. Wow, I really am a mess aren't I?

I hadn't gotten up at all today, despite being awake for hours. The hotel we were staying in had two main bedrooms — Josh and I slept in one, while Tyler and Jenna slept in the other. I heard Josh leave the room this morning so he didn't wake me up, but I hadn't really heard him come back in at all since then.

It wasn't long before that changed, and Josh came into the room, walking over to me quietly, sitting on the end of the bed.

"Ari," he said, shaking me slightly.

I didn't respond, I simply pulled one of the pillows over my head.

Josh chuckled and pulled it off of my head. "You good?"

I grunted.

"No?" Josh's voice changed from humour to concern.

I shook my head, finally turning over for the first time and attempting to open my eyes, the light blinding me for a few seconds.

Josh leant over and pulled a piece of hair out of my face and behind my ear.

"Come on, lets go sit out on the couch." Josh offered me his hand to sit up.

"I just wanna stay here." I groaned.

"You haven't eaten at all since like —  lunchtime yesterday Ari. You need food, and besides, it's better for you to get up and move around. Even if it's just to the couch."

I obliged eventually and got up, walking to the couch with the hotel blanket draped around my shoulders. Once I sat down on the couch, I was determined that I wasn't getting up again.

"Yeah Maddy, you can come to the show on Thursday if you want, it's not sold out yet. Oh. Mom and Zack wanna come too? I'm sure we can figure that out. What about Dad and Jay? Oh okay. Alright I'll see you then Mads. I love you too little sister."

Tyler came out to the lounge area on the phone and clicked the hang up button before sitting down beside me.

"That was my sister," Tyler began. "Her, my brother and my mom are near the next show and they wanted to come, so you'll finally get a chance to meet them.

I nodded. "Aren't they travelling?"

"Yeah, but they happen to be just out of Manchester on Thursday night, the night of our next show, so they're gonna drive down and come watch us."

"Jenna told me you were having a bit of a for because they were travelling without you."

"Let's not talk about that," Tyler chuckled. "I'm over it now. I was mainly pretending honestly, I found it funny. They got the joke too — Zack figured it out first."

I let out a very quiet chuckle that didn't mean I found what was said amusing. It's not that it wasn't, it was that I didn't know how else to reply.