Black Rose

Five

Melrose and Raine's flowers in media.

"You hate me Mel, really?" Raine asked. I could hear the hurt in his voice, but I can't change how I feel about him. "I know I screwed up big time, but how can you hate somebody you once loved?"

"You don't get it Raine. My life has been an emotional rollercoaster since before I met you and then you added on to the stress and hardships when you left. I'd be a fool to still love you." I spoke lowly, staring out of the windshield.

Silence filled the car, neither of us having words to say. Raine would huff and puff every so often, making it known he's upset. Out the corner of my eye, I saw him wipe under eyes quickly. Turning my head fully, tears streamed down his face like a river. I don't know what happened in his life, but he's turned into an emotional man during his absence.

Reaching over, I used my thumbs to dry his face. With every tear I wiped away, more fell after. He was honestly making me guilty of what I confessed moments ago.

"I can deal with you not wanting to be with me right now. That's understandable. But to hear you admit to hating me is a different level of pain." He spoke between sniffles. "I need you to love me Mel. I've already lost my daughter. I can't lose you either."

"What you're feeling right now is how I've been feeling all these years. When I was head over heels for you, you took me for granted Raine. I'm not going to surrender just because you want to step up to the plate now. It's entirely too late."

"Tell me what I have to do." He stared at me through watered eyes. "I'll do anything you want me to do, even if I don't approve, I'll do it."

"What I want you can't do" I stated, shaking my head. "It's out of any human power."

"I'll try, just tell me what it is first." He kept pushing.

"Bring back those five years you missed out on. Bring me Arabella back. Make us a happy family. Can you do that Raine?" Lowering his head, he shook it in a slow manner. "Then you can't do anything for me."

"I can't bring those five years back nor can I resurrect Arabella, but I can make it my priority to give you the best five years to come. It won't replace Bella and I'm not planning to, but we can have more children and be a happy family together. Mel, I'm willing to risk it all for you. I love you so much." The waterworks resumed.

"I can't go there with you right now Raine. I'm barely getting through the days and my own issues have taken control of my life. I'm not stable enough to maintain a serious relationship."

"Take all the time you need. I'll wait forever for you if I have to, but promise me you'll consider giving me another chance to redeem myself." Grabbing my hands in his, he placed a tender kiss on both of them.

God knows I love this man more than I love myself. I've never stopped, but he can't know that. I won't allow him to have that power over me. There have been more nights than I can count where I'd fantasize about us reconciling and moving forward. This is exactly what I've prayed about and now that the moment has arrived, I can't let my protective shield down. Who knows if he's truly here to stay? This could all be a game to him. I won't put myself in a position to let more bull crap deteriorate me slowly. If that's the case I'd go ahead and attempt to jump off another bridge to end it quickly.

"Let's just be friends." I started after a long moment of silence. "We need to learn each other over again. It's been years, not weeks or months. With time, comes change and people change. I know I've certainly changed and not in a pleasing way." I mumbled, looking off into the distance ahead of me.