"The headlights driving down the street at night, they call my name. I don't want people to think I'm crazy or weak... but maybe I am. My life is an endless loop of okay and wishing I could crack the door of my mom's car and just fall out," Tyler stared at his shoes, pulled up into the chair with him, and yanked the sleeves of his jacket back over his hands again, "My shadows haunt me."
"Do you ever talk to Josh about any of this? I know you said you two were close, but you never gave me a clue as to how close," Jessie, Tyler's therapist, asked.
"No. He doesn't need to be bothered with it, he has his own problems anyway. Besides... I'm ashamed."
"Of coming here? You don't have to be ashamed. So many people come to therapy, for so many reasons. Trauma, depression, anxiety, anger, emotions. It's all normal. Some people just get swept out into sea and need some outside help."
***
Tyler left just a few minutes before his session time ended. He'd been going to therapy for several months but he still didn't feel like it was helping him any. He'd hated it at the beginning but kept going because he thought maybe it just hadn't been long enough. Maybe he needed to give some time, you know? Besides, his mom was less worried about him and thought he was doing better if he kept going. But, he still felt the same about it. He felt he was just wasting precious time. He could be writing music during those hours spent talking about his feelings and thoughts. Talking and talking, but never getting anywhere. He tried to be cooperative but most days, not this day but most, he just couldn't word anything right. He always pushed the thoughts of therapy away because it made him angry and upset so he never had anything thought out when he arrived.
When Tyler got home, he went up to his room and dropped into the worn-out, grey recliner in the window nook. He pulled out his phone and texted Josh.
Tyler: are you buys right now?
Josh: No, what's up?
Tyler: what do you think about therapy?
Josh: My little sister went for a while
I think it helped her a lot
Why do you ask?
Tyler: I was just wondering, thinking. You know how I am lol
Josh: Alright :)
You wanna hang out tonight?
Tyler: Not tonight, bro. I'm honestly really tired so I'll probably fall asleep here soon
Josh: Okay, that's cool. Sleep tight
Tyler: Don't let the bed bugs crawl into your ear and whisper threatening things that make you question yourself
YOU ARE READING
Is Not Saving Someone The Same As Killing Them? || Joshler (Bromance)
FanfictionBeing Revised (5 years later - Woohoo!) ⚠️CONTENT WARNING - Suicide, Depression, Anxiety, Eating Disorder. Take caution, please. Tyler was depressed. Josh was a ball of anxiety. Both loved music. Neither could truly save the other.
