Tyler didn't really know how to avoid Josh on Saturday but he claimed 'sorry, man! I'm feeling really good after yesterday and the break from school so I'm trying to clean up my room and stuff!' when Josh first texted him around 11a.m. In reality, Tyler was just laying on his floor staring at his ceiling and contemplating what the hell he was going to write for when he did It. He'd thought about this same thing so many times for the past four years , even sat down and started writing a couple times, and yet he found this so difficult. He couldn't leave too many questions behind and couldn't leave anyone blaming themselves or anyone else.
Around 2p.m. everyone else in Tyler's house besides himself had left to Zack's ball game, so Tyler snuck into his parent's bedroom and on into their bathroom. He opened the dirty, scratched mirror and looked through the prescription pill bottles. He found his dad's painkillers that he took for his back. He figured half a bottle of that--all that was left--, some aspirin and whatever Tylenol there was in his room ought to do the trick. He'd top it off with a berry flavored sleep aid for flavor and a nice final sleep.
After going back to his room and stashing his materials in his dresser, Tyler stayed on the floor all day, eventually falling asleep. When he finally woke it was one in the morning. It was officially Sunday. So he began. He sat down and wrote one last song first, he made sure to hit record as he played out his final piece in which he used multiple settings to get the other instruments, "I try so hard, to fly, but my heart, won't go very far. No, no. And my own two hands, will start bleeding again, and the floor will turn to, to a hole in the ground."
Tears fell as Tyler continued in that same non-rapping speed lyric thing he did, "The plans that I make, roads that I take, break to holes that will go where I don't know, they, are solid grounds illusions, that write themselves off, as perfectly normal solutions."
Tyler shook his head, as he always would, "Pollution's in my eyes, my disguise will take me. Break me. Won't save me this time, There's a vision, but you won't save me this time. My decision for living, isn't mine to decide and... You just seem, oh-so-far. Past the stars and past my heart, I can almost feel you and I start, to close my eyes and sing a song. I will keep singing cause I'm wrong, But you were singing with me all along."
It was now 4:34a.m. and Tyler began to pull his voice into that almost-scream; he was glad his family was used to his singing and just slept through it now, "I try so hard, to fly, but my heart, won't go very far. No, no. And my own two hands, will start bleeding again, and the floor will turn to, to a hole in the ground! Do not be alarmed, if I fall into the sun. If I fall! And my own two hands will start bleeding, and then, they will lower me in, to, to a hole in the ground."
***
Tyler had just finished writing the "note". All he had to do was hit send. He texted both of his parents and all of his siblings to tell them he loved them. He even texted his grandparents. Then he hit send on the message to Josh and set to work on the pills. He curled up in bed, his heartbeat already slowing, and let his eyes drift closed.
YOU ARE READING
Is Not Saving Someone The Same As Killing Them? || Joshler (Bromance)
FanfictionBeing Revised (5 years later - Woohoo!) ⚠️CONTENT WARNING - Suicide, Depression, Anxiety, Eating Disorder. Take caution, please. Tyler was depressed. Josh was a ball of anxiety. Both loved music. Neither could truly save the other.
