"I love you, Josh. But i haven't slept in quite some time. i am on a journey to discover the truth beyond death and i am terrified. You told me to face my fears. Or, I told you and you told me I should follow more of my own advice. Know that this is not on impulse, i haven't spoken of these thoughts for a while because i knew you deserved better than a screwed up best friend. i am going around in a dream. how can i live half alive? i can't stay here. i just want a place to be able to think, and i can't find it here. i'm not crazy. i'm not anything. i don't want people to look at me like i'm nuts. I'm sorry. I've realized the only thing you can control in this world is perhaps your own death and what you put into your body. Sundays were always my suicide days."
Josh read the message as his whole body shook. It was six a.m. and he had woken to sirens, the message was sent at five a.m. It was too long ago. He knew it was too late. He knew he had failed. But he couldn't admit it. He called Tyler's phone. No answer. He called again. Someone answered after the first couple of rings and Josh had a moment of hope before he heard a woman's sobbing voice on the other end, "Josh, I'm so sorry."
Josh dropped the phone as his whole body went limp. He sat on the floor of his bedroom, propped against the nightstand behind him and screamed. Seconds later, his mom came running into his bedroom frantically and all Josh could do was stare at his phone and scream Tyler's name as tears rushed down his cheeks. Josh's mom grabbed the phone from the floor and listened into the receiver, she heard sobbing and a woman saying "Josh, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, Josh."
"Hello," Josh's mom sputtered out, panic still gripping her heart as her son screamed his best friend's name in front of her, "Kelly? What's happening?"
Tyler's mom wept into the phone, "Tyler's gone."
Josh's mom rocked back onto her bottom, shock coursing through her body. She quickly shook it off and dropped the phone, wrapping her arms around her son, "Josh, Josh, I'm so sorry, baby, I'm so sorry."
She wanted to be able to tell him it would be okay but she knew it wouldn't. It would never be okay again.
YOU ARE READING
Is Not Saving Someone The Same As Killing Them? || Joshler (Bromance)
FanfictionBeing Revised (5 years later - Woohoo!) ⚠️CONTENT WARNING - Suicide, Depression, Anxiety, Eating Disorder. Take caution, please. Tyler was depressed. Josh was a ball of anxiety. Both loved music. Neither could truly save the other.
