Is Not Saving Someone The Same As Killing Them? || Joshler (Bromance)

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There was a cold finality in a funeral. There was no rain, but there might as well have been. Everyone was in black. Tyler's full family was there. Even the cousins who never really treated him well. Little kids had dress shoes on and no idea of the actual despair the situation entailed. Josh came with his parents and his younger sister. Jordan, Josh's younger brother, didn't want to come so he stayed at home with their youngest sister. He stayed home not because he didn't like Tyler, but because he didn't think he could handle it; didn't think he could be strong for Josh.

At the funeral, everyone seemed to avoid Josh. They were afraid to speak to him, afraid he was going to lose it. Tyler's mom never stopped crying. His dad was crying too but he did his best to stay in control so he could comfort his wife. Zack sat in the front row, facing the coffin. He didn't move, didn't look away, hardly even blinked. Josh had heard that it was him who had found Tyler, when he went to ask for the basketball pump.

Josh stood in the back of the long room. He didn't want to go up to the coffin, didn't want to see the Tyler that was no longer Tyler. He knew now what that Friday was for. He knew now why it had been such a sudden change; because it hadn't been a change at all.

Josh's parents and sister went up to talk to Tyler's parents and siblings. Josh watched them, tried to decide what they were talking about, gave up. Nobody in this room, any of the rooms, really knew Tyler. Josh knew that because he didn't even know Tyler.

***

Josh watched, along with everyone else, as they lowered Tyler's coffin into the hole in the ground. He didn't cry, couldn't cry. He watched without feeling anything, perhaps feeling so much of everything that it became nothing. When it was done and everyone had walked away, leaving the workers to do their job, Tyler's mom came up to Josh, "You can come over anytime you need or want. You don't have to knock and you don't have to talk to anyone."

Josh didn't say anything but a tear slipped down his face. Tyler's mom patted his shoulder and walked off, following her husband to their car.

Josh later went over to Tyler's place. He wandered down to the creek and then back to the house. He froze outside the front door. There was no one to welcome him in with a well-known handshake, created out of pure friendship and lots of practice. There was no one to sit on the living room floor with and play Super Smash Bros. There was no one play 'King' with. No one to watch Jeepers Creepers with, a bowl of popcorn sat between them. There was no one to make music, memories, smiles or laughs with. He turned away from the door and walked home.

***

Josh stood in front of Tyler's grave. It was the two month anniversary of that Sunday morning. It was hinting at sunshine after three days of rain. All of the plants had gone through bloom and summer was almost here. Or, if you based it off of when school was in session, then summer was here. A tear fell down Josh's face. Tyler had only been sixteen. Today Josh turned seventeen. Tyler would never turn seventeen.

"I could have saved you. You had no idea what this was going to do. I don't blame you, Tyler. There's no one to blame but... I miss you. We could've been something maybe, but we'll never know now. I could've helped you... I love you, Skelly," Josh kissed the tips of his right-hand fingers and placed them on Tyler's headstone before trudging home.

Josh only ever talked to Tyler anymore. He wasn't sleeping well, he always had nightmares. And he never played the drums anymore because it reminded him too much of how empty everything was without Tyler. His kit would continue to collect dust in Tyler's garage right beside Tyler's keyboard. Their music had died with Tyler, and, in a way, a big part of Josh had died too. But he would be okay. Truly.

Always reach out to someone. Anyone. Keep trying until someone listens. There is always SOMEONE willing to help you.

You can also try 7 Cups of Tea (worldwide) or texting 741741 (if you're in the US).

Stay Alive. |-/

Peace will win, Fear will lose.

We've made it this far, kid.