Recover

Chapter 8 Lucie

Time in the hospital room all but blurs together and before I know it in home under bed arrest: it's believed something was put in my drink according to the officials, which is why I had a weird freak out thing, but by the time is been tested there's been no evidence left of anything in my system. Jax isn't pressing charges about the car- so I'm okay. I'm okay. Aunt Susie is hovering over me all the time while I'm in bed, getting over cuts and bruises and a fractured wrist, looking after me, watching as I ignore my phone and tell her that I don't want any visitors if any come, no matter what. I shouldn't be so well off. I should have died or been much more damaged. I'm lucky everyone says.
I'm not though - feeling lucky that is- I'm numb as everything slowly continues to sink in about Sunday.
They came back- the monsters. I saw my family again. And I hate that I'm so weak that I thought for one second I could be normal- I'm fucked up. I don't deserve to have normal. A year rolls down my face, and I leave it- what's the point? I'll go back to the school and be a gossip point for everyone. That girl who got "drugged."
I hate myself more than ever before. More than I thought was possible.
So do we.  A whisper from next to my ear reminding me I'm never truly alone. I never will be.

I've had missed call after missed call from Alli and Jax, I turn off the volume and state silently as they ring off for the thousandth time. A d that's nothing compared to the texts left in my phone. In the end, after a long night full of nightmares of what happened, I cave and read through the texts left from Alli:

Alli:
Lucie please call me back, I'm worried. X
Luce? X
Lucie please. X
I know you're not in hospital anymore, please tell me where you are. X
I miss you. X
There's rumours you were drugged in your drink- is it true?
Lucie you're my friend, please I need to talk to you. X
Luce what happened?
Your Aunt said you were asleep when I came over- at least I know you're alive.
Are you coming back to school soon?
We're worried about you Luce.xxx

And the list just goes on and on from before then and after, I can't bare it- I turn my phone off before I can be tempted to look at Jax's messages.

"Lucie we need to talk." Aunt Susie says softly, I open my eyes to watch her sit down next to me on the bed.  She won't look me in the eyes. Oh no, what's wrong?
"Lucie I've been thinking about this for a while...you can't stay in that school anymore. There's something...sweetie you..."
"I am messed up right? That's what you wanna say." I snap.
She ignores me. "Your Mum was right about you- you are so special Lucie, and I can't deal with it anymore. It's too much-  you crashed a car. You are so lucky you know that right?"
I nod stiffly.
"Lucie...I want you to go to a different school..."
"Okaay." I guessed that.
"It's perfect for you there. There are people...like you...people in our family have been going for years and years. You have family history there. You'd stay there in a dorm, have lessons- like university in a way. It'll be good for you."
I feel cold. "Where is it?"
"...England." She finally looks at me, but darts her eyes away again.
"You want me to go to England alone? To a place I don't know? Because YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH ME?!" I shout, getting worked up, using all the pain I've felt over what's happened and I use it against my Aunt. "You just can't handle the fact I am different to you! You hate that it's me here and not Mum, you want me out the picture so you can stop dealing with this mess!" I accuse her, pointing at her.
My accusations seem to open up the carefully built dam she has held up for so long. "YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SURVIVED!" She screams at me, standing up forcefully, glaring at me, maintaining the eye contact she couldn't before, her eyes brimming with so much emotion, I don't know where if begin to describe it."You claim you see- see these monsters. What am I supposed to do? We move and we move and we've tried everything but nothing works! You are the only one who could know what happened all that time ago - but you don't, you're useless Lucie! I want justice!" And with that she storms out my room, tears pouring from her eyes, slamming the door behind her.
Leaving me alone in the loaded silence.