Gasoline-- Tronnor AU

Chapter 44- Troye

fragile- gnash ft WRENN

I let myself fall into Connor's arms. Not because I was letting him back in,  but because I really needed the comfort. The familiarity of lying in his strong arms and sweet words against my skin was so strong I almost forgot why I was crying.

But how could I forget... Tyler saved me. Tyler a beautiful boy with such a bright future, risked his own life to save something as useless and dirty as me.

I haven't cried at all until now. I've spent all morning telling myself that he's strong and he's going to be okay. But hearing the way he screamed, hearing the uncertainty in Connor's voice when he said 'he'll be okay'. It was enough to tell me to prepare for the worst. I'm going to lose my best friend. My brother. The boy who stuck with me and protected me when the whole school was against me. The boy who takes up so much of my memories. He's dying...

I buried my head in the crook of Connor's neck, letting his fingers run through my curls the way they used to. Just as I started to relax, his phone rang.

"Sorry," he said awkwardly reaching for his phone in his back pocket. But he didn't let go of me and I was infinitely thankful for that.

"Hey Mom," he said into the phone.

After a couple secords of silence he said, "Yeah, I'm with Troye. Is it ok if I bring everyone back to our place? I don't think we can hang around the hospital all day and Tyler-"

He stopped with a frown. I never realized that he must be hurting too. Tyler and Connor got a lot closer after I broke up with him.

"Thanks Mom," he said, hanging up.

Connor leaning his forehead against mine. "I don't care what you say, you're coming home with me."

I should of said no and left. But I was too weak to argue, and part of me felt like I would never see Connor again if I walked away. It was cruel but I nodded anyway, watching the hopeless frown on his lips turn to a small smile. 

I'll stay with him for a while, but eventually I'm gonna have to leave.

That's why I can't let him too close to me. I don't want to break his heart again. I don't want him to hold me back from happiness any longer.

Death. Not happiness, death.

But no matter what I tell myself I think I would live for this boy. The thought of him simply taking his hands off me sends a shiver through my body as if I could already feel the loneliness.

We got off the floor and before he unwound his arms from my waist, I grabbed onto him begging, "Don't let go."

He looked at me, surprised.

"You're the only thing holding me together."

He pulled me into a tight hug. "I'm never gonna let go, Tro."

I smiled a little for what seemed like the first time in forever. The words 'I love you'  were on the tip of my tongue but I refused to let them out. I'm never saying those words again. Ever.

I would rather die than let myself get lost in something I don't deserve.

***

Zoe, Joe, Caspar, and Ricky, who apparently have been here all morning, were waiting outside.

Connor kept his arm protectively wrapped around my shoulders, knowing I'm not ready for the questions everyone's gonna be asking me. We stopped in front of his car. I wonder how it got here?