Gasoline-- Tronnor AU

Chapter 47- Connor

Too Good at Goodbyes- Sam Smith   (Ive waited so long for this song!! I love Sam sm)(timeskip 2 weeks)

I stood in utter silence in the rain. Troye and Zoe were huddled together on their knees in tears. Ricky stood beside me. None of us dared to say a word.

It's been 2 weeks since he passed. Troye and Zoe worked up the courage to come to his grave for the first time since his funeral a couple days ago. I've been coming here everyday, just spending some time updating him on things. How everyone's doing. I'd like to belive he can hear me. I like to pretend he's still here sitting before me.

Troye got up suddenly, rushing away to the stairs. The stairs were steep. And ended at a cliff.

Zoe looked at me with worry about to follow him.

"Don't," I said. "He'll be ok."

"Are you sure?" She asked, looking back to where it looks like the land ended.

I nodded. "He just needs to breathe. It's easier to breathe when your far away from everything."

***

It was hard being at school without Tyler. He was kind of like the glue, without him I was scared we might all drift apart.

The silence on the first day was almost unbearable. We sat under the tree like we used to.

"Damn this is hard," Jc said.

We all nodded in agreement.

"There's no one to hit on me now," Kian said, in a weak attempt of a joke.

There was an awkward laugh that went around the group. And one sniffle.

Troye leaned into me, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his pastel blue sweater. "I miss him."

"I do too, Angel," I said kissing his forehead. I would take the pain in a heartbeat if it were possible.

***

"Sweetie, are you sure you're ok?" Mom asked for the thousandth time.

"Yes Mom!" I yelled, annoyed.

She frowned and turned away. "Alright.."

"Ugh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell."

She didn't respond.

"Mom, I'm ok. It hurts a lot and I miss him.. but I'm ok."

She sighed, wrapping her arms me. "How is Troye?"

"He's getting by. I think he'll be ok."

"Stay safe, both of you," she said kissing my forehead before letting me go.

I nodded and grabbed my backpack. I yelled" Love you" before shutting the door and walking out onto the last remains on sunlight.

I saw memories on every street I walked past. Some beautiful, some painful.. and some bittersweet. Like the taste of coffee.

Standing on Troye's porch is where I felt the most. My mind tp the time I dropped him off after our first therapy session, silently begging him to look back at me. Went back to our first date, the awkwardness between as we stood here staring at each other in wonder.

I knocked on the door with sudden nervousness. I haven't been here since Troye broke up with me...

That got me thinking, what are we? Is he still figuring things out?? We haven't talked about our relationship at all since the day before Tyler died.

Laurelle opened the door with a huge smile.

"Connah!" She explained, pulling me into a hug. "We've missed you!"

Her laugh was contagious, her smile reflected onto my own face. "I've missed being here."

"Troye's upstairs," she said softly. "I think he might be asleep though. Take care of him.. please. "

"I will," I said with confidence running up the stairs.

I knocked softly on the door, there was so answer. I opened it stepping into the room I'd before so familiar with. Troye was asleep on the far side of his bed, clutching my old teddy bear to his chest. I forgot I gave that to him... The stuffed animal I used to keep in my treehouse. It made me so happy to know he still has it.

I dropped my backpack next to the door and crawled into bed with him. He instinctively shifted closer to me. My arms wrapped around his small waist, pulling our bodies impossibly closer. I pressed a kiss to shoulder, watching the way his chest slowly rose and dropped.

A reminder that he's here. That he's real.

A soft smile snuck onto my face. Even when we're all lost in grief and pain, there are still going to be things that make you smile. No matter how impossible happiness seems, there's still things that make you so fucking happy.

"I love you Tro," I whispered before letting my mind go.

~V

2 more chapters :(   I've been so busy with school I don't really have time for anything else...

K quick rant cuz like I need advice.

Wtf do you do when you've fallen in love with your best friend...? I mean he loves me just as much as I do but.. he sees me as family. Plus on top of that I'm not physically attracted to him at all... But emotionally.. I wouldn't even hesitate to fucking marry him. We've spend the past year keeping each other alive. I literally would of died from bleach poisoning if it weren't for him. How do I get over whatever I feel for him?