My Beautiful Mess

Chapter 2- Ash Underwood

There was a lump in the back of my throat and my stomach felt like jelly as I sat down on my bed. My eyes felt dry and they stung as I pressed the heal of my hand to them. There was no point in crying and I didn't. I couldn't feel anything, not even anger anymore, I just felt guilty of shouting and making Harry the blame for it all. I had to apologize but I didn't know how. So I just sat there, completing English homework that was due in next week.

I couldn't sleep; my mind was buzzing and I wasn't tired. I slung my grey hoodie over my head and crept across the landing, trying not to press too hard on any creaky floorboards. I tapped lightly on the door in front of me and pushed open the doer slowly.

Harry was laying on his bed above the covers staring at the ceiling obviously trying to fall asleep. "H?" I whispered lightly. He turned around and faced me with his honeycomb eyes staring at my face.

He had no sweat shirt on so I could see his muscular torso. His tracksuit bottoms were worn around his hips so I could see his tattoo just above his hip bone; it was three stars in a diagonal line.

They represent me, mum and dad. Harry got it as soon as he turned eighteen and I loved it ever since whereas mum wasn't too keen.

I was not attracted to him in any way; he is my brother that would be overly weird but I'm not amazingly surprised that all the girls in my year fancy him.

"Hey Cecily, what's wrong bubz?" He whispered back, his forehead creasing. I walked over to his bed and sat carefully on the end of it.

"I can't sleep and I'm lonely" I said lamely. Harry smiled weakly and nodded. I loved having an older brother. Some people find them annoying but I love Harry. He's nineteen, two years older than me.

"I don't blame you" Harry replied. I slipped under his sheet next to him and sighed. I had to apologize for what I said earlier, I couldn't leave it unfinished.

"I'm sorry for what I said; I made it sound like it was all your fault but it really isn't. I know you can't do anything about it" I apologized.

Harry turned his head to the side and looked me in the eye. "No I could have. I didn't take my medication today." He said honestly.

"What why not?" I asked him. Harry didn't say anything for a moment. He looked very reluctant and shameful. "I didn't want to take it. I'm fed up I don't want it to be like this anymore Cissy..."

"It won't stop unless you take the medicine it won't just go away Harry." I cut him off.

"What more do they want me to do though?" He said calmly enough "I take their god damned medicine I go to support classes and I take their advice." I could tell this was hard for him and I was going to be here for him, always.

"I'm sorry you feel this way Harry but it will get better soon I promise. Night Hazza" I pulled back the covers and swung my feet onto the floor. I was about to walk off when he yanked my arm back. "Cissy could you stay, I'd prefer you here right now." He asked.

I smiled and slipped back into the bed next to my brother. He was toasty warm and lightly smelt like beach wood. I had no trouble falling asleep and drifted off after a few minuets.

The sound of Harry's alarm clock woke me up with a start. It read seven fifteen. I heard the shower from the on-suite bathroom turn off. I sighed, sat on the end of the bed and pressed my hands to my face; I didn't want another day of school.

Harry emerged from the steamy bathroom with his towel around his waist. He looked wide awake and alert.

He eyed my frizzy hair and dark rings under my eyes "Hey Cecily, you look..." Harry began.