Is all of this a dream?

Chapter 7: So the things are back

                  

Wait… What the hell?! Why can’t I see anything? What the..? Oh… Oops… I forgot I got my eyes closed since I was sleeping. Psh. Freak. But wait… Someone’s hands… On me..? What the hell?! I opened my eyes. It was still a bit dark, so it was probably six maybe seven am. Oh My God! My eyes got focused to the dark and I saw Yoon’s sleeping face inches away from mine. He looked so cute! Like a hamster… But how the hell did I end up here?! Um… Like really? Why am I in a bed, half naked, with a sleeping Yoon hugging me. Let’s try to use my brain and remember what happened the other day.

“Marley” He smiled at me. I felt how heat ran all throughout my body and I heated up. “Come in.” He got out of the way and I walked inside his house. “Let’s go sit somewhere…” we walked past the living room where I saw his dad sleeping and walked upstairs to his bedroom.

“So… Yoon…” I sighed and stood in front of him. He sat on the bed and looked up at me. “Tell me everything you want to say, then if I have anything to ask, I will and then I’ll tell you my decision. You cool with that?” I saw him nod, so I took a chair and got comfortable in front of him.

“You have every single reason to hate me and not forgive me, but I’ll never be able to forget you. You belong in my life. Without it, I feel empty.” I felt how tears started gathering, so I rolled my eyes and shook my head. He took it the wrong way. “You think I’ll do anything, just to have sex with you? Is that how low you think of me? I mean, sure, I deserve that impression, because of all the things I did, but that is not all. I was really a messed up person. I was a drunk, I did drugs, I wanted to kill myself. I didn’t enjoy life. Heck no. I did not. When I saw you, I was actually on my way to kill myself. Really. I am not kidding.” A tear rolled down his face and I finally realized that my face was already wet from the tears. “Then I saw you and I stopped. I forgot everything. I forgot the note to my parents on the table, I forgot the messages to Cha, Han and all of my friends. I only cared about you. I had to do everything, just so I’d know your name. At least your name. You’re like sunshine, you brighten up every day of my life. You’re the only one I find it worth living for. You make me forget everything. You make me forget how many people hate me. You make me forget how many times I’ve hurt. You’re the only one holding me back from death. You are my angel and I can’t change that. Ever.” He sobbed and sat down. He let his head down and hid his face in his arms. “I love you Marley. And I will forever.”

Why? Why can’t I believe him? I want to believe him so bad, but I… I can’t.

“I’m scared Yoon…” I whispered. He tilted his head. “I’m scared of life. I’m scared of pain. I… I don’t know… I don’t know how to do this…” I stuttered. My voice was cracking; I was barely breathing “I don’t wanna get hurt.” I wiped off my tears. I wanted to be with him, but I can’t get hurt like that.

“You don’t have to be scared. Angels shouldn’t be scared. Angels have to save people. Like you did to me. You are not weak. You’re strong. Stronger than I am.” I stood up and walked towards the door, when I saw that he’s letting me leave. I didn’t want to, but I had to leave. “You will move on, but before you do that…” He walked over to me and stroked my cheek “Tell me you don’t feel anything… Only hate… Tell me that you don’t forgive me…”

“I… I…” I realized I can’t do this. Who am I lying to? Myself? No. I am not lying. I can’t get hurt. But I forgave him the moment I talked to him in the mall. I took a deep breath as deep as I could. It wasn’t much since my lunges weren’t accepting air. I think they were trying to tell me that if I’m not with Yoon, there’s no point wasting the Earth’s air. “I already did forgive you… I’ve never hated you. God, I’d never be able to.” I looked away and blinked for a second.