P.S I love you #Wattys2017

Chapter Eighteen

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I groaned, my head was pounding. With my fingers, I gently touched my forehead. My mouth was dry and it was hard to swallow. Why did I drank alcohol again? Slowly, I opened my eyes. It was dark, but a streak of sunlight shone through a crack between the curtains. I was in my own room. That was good. I tried to remember what had happened at the party. Oh. My. God.

I started panicking inside. What had I done? 

I put a hand over my mouth when I realized it. I couldn't believe it, I really couldn't believe it. Had I've been that drunk? Quickly I slid out of the bed and walked out of my room. A couple of times I had to stop and let the pounding in my head ease before I carried on. 

If this was what a hangover felt like, I wasn't going to touch another drop of alcohol ever again. Just the thought of it made me nauseous. 'Finally you're awake.' I nearly jumped out of my skin when I turned to face my brother. He was leaning against the kitchen doorway with a bowl of cereal in his hands as he watched me with a smirk. 'I...' I had no idea what to say to him.

'I heard you enjoyed yourself at the beach party last night.' His grin grew and I wondered what he knew. Did Jay told him what happened between us? Did someone saw us? I felt ashamed.
'Umh...' Abby suddenly appeared behind my brother and smiled awkwardly. 'So I guess it's time for me to leave.' Oh. My. God. 

Abby slept with my brother? I gaped at her in complete shock, 'is this what I think it is?' I asked them. They shared a look with each other before my brother answered my question. 'I guess so.' 

'Now it's your turn to spill.' Abby instructed with a big smile, 'I want to know what happened when you left.' At the last part, she was wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at me. 'So, tell us.' 

'I really don't want to talk about it.' I replied and I knew I was blushing again. 'Oh come on Reighley, we both know that you left the party with Jay.' So she had seen us...This was so awkward, I didn't want to have this conversation with them. 

'There's nothing to tell, he just brought me home.' I shrugged in an attempt to pretend that it didn't matter, that it wasn't something important. Now you're lying to yourself and others, because it was important and it did matter to you. But I couldn't tell them that, I couldn't even accept it myself. Jay was off limits, he was dangerous and seductive, I had to protect myself from him. And the best way to do that, was to forget about him, to ignore him and to stop thinking about him. 

I took an apple from the fruit bowl and walked away, pretty aware of how they looked at me. It felt like I was doing the walk of shame. I quickly go to my room again to freshen myself up, I really needed a shower. 

I grab my toiletry bag and make my way to the bathroom. The water was warm, almost too hot, but that didn't matter to me. I wanted to burn away all the thoughts about Jay, all the feelings I felt because of him. You know you can't, you can try but it won't work. I really hated the voice of my inner-self right now. I scrubbed my skin, washed my hair with a delicious smelling shampoo and cursed myself because of what had happened between me and Jay. That kiss...

My breathing increased and suddenly the warmth of the shower became too much for me.
I almost stumbled out of the bathroom in my attempt to get out as fast as possible, with my skin still wet and water dripping on the ground.

I quickly wrapped a towel around me and froze right at the spot where I stood. 'What are you doing here!' I snap at him, my hands clenched around the soft fabric of my towel, my eyes keep darting down to make sure the towel in securely covering my naked body. 

He looks at me, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly but he doesn't say a word. 'Did you hear me? I asked what you're doing here!' I repeat angry. What the hell? I bite my tongue, trying to keep my rude comments to myself. 'Can you please leave so I can get dressed?' He still doesn't answer. 

'It's not like I am going to look at you.' I couldn't believe that he was saying that to me? He was in my room, in my house and he still had the nerve to insult me? I don't respond to his remark and huff when I walk to my dresser. As fast as I can I change in some clothes and turn around to face him again. 'Can you explain to me what you're doing here please?' I shout, my voice at a much higher volume than I had wanted. He silently stares at me while I am waiting for his apology.

He simply laughs at me, making me feel like a complete idiot. 'I want to make sure that you know that I don't feel anything for you.' He walks towards me and I want to back away from him but he grabs my arm. 'Let go of me!' I scream.

'What do you want Jay? To laugh at me? I am so sick of this game, I won't play it any longer, you're a terrible person! One second you're nice and the other you're horrible. I want nothing to do with you anymore so find yourself another girl to play with because I am done!' I expect him to laugh at me again, but he doesn't. He looks serious, almost hurt even. But I won't buy it this time. 'Please Jay, let go of me...' I say in a quiet voice now, begging him with my eyes. 'I.. I don't know what I am doing.' Ugh, is he serious?

I wanted to yell at him, to say something to make him feel terrible, like I was feeling right now. But I couldn't. Just like I couldn't stay away from him.

You know he is dangerous and toxic for you.

'I can't keep up with your mood swings Jay, just get out okay.' I couldn't look at him. 'And don't show up like this again, I don't want to see you anymore.' He doesn't reply and when I look up, I'm alone again.

Jay... You're such an asshole sometimes... Let me know what goes through your mind right now, are you freaking out just like me?? Don't forget to share this chapter on social media/vote/comment/follow and ad it to your reading list! XOXO