Chapter Twenty-One

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Follow me on twitter @Anna_Kriztina and use the hashtag #PSILY for P.S I Love you

We both go back to the party, but I can't stop thinking about what Jay said earlier. Can't we just start over... I hadn't answered his question yet, I couldn't, not now. It was so confusing, why did he had to make everything difficult again? Hating each other was much simpler than this, whatever "this" was. 

Noah frowned when he saw me, but he didn't came closer, or asked if I was okay. I probably didn't deserve his friendliness anymore.

Alec's performance was over, and after a few minutes of awkwardness, he joined us. His eyes drifted from me, to Jay, to Noah. I know what he was thinking... 'Reighley!' He grabbed my arm and pulled me along with him. 'What did I say earlier? You promised me you wouldn't play with their feelings anymore, they're my friends, I can't handle it when they are fighting over you!' He really was furious. 'I understand that they are both...attractive...' He shuttered, 'but you have to make a choice Reighley! That's better for them, better for me and better for yourself.' 

He lets go of me, 'I say this to protect you, I know what happened with Adam–' Before he could say more, I cut him off. 'I don't want to hear that name ever again! And you don't have to protect me Alec, I know what I'm doing and I'm sorry that I brought you in this position. But it isn't the way you think it is, I don't play with their feelings, I would never to that on purpose!' 

I feel ashamed and humiliated because of the way he looks at me. 'I never said you did it on purpose, I just want you to know that some things have consequences. Your behavior towards them...' He shakes his head and sighs, 'just promise me you will think about this, about the things I just said to you. Just try to act normal, to be friendly, don't seduce them both at the same time Reighley. You just can't do something like that.' 

Seducing them, was he serious? I wasn't doing that! 

'Where are you guys bickering about?' Noah walked towards us with confusion on his face, 'by the way, the party is over.' He was right, the music had stopped and the club was almost completely silent and empty now. 'Nothing to worry about Noah, did you enjoy the show?' My brother smiled at his friend and they both walked away while talking. 

I was left alone with Jay once again, of course... 'Reighley?' He still looks a little bit nervous when his eyes find mine, 'do you want me to bring you back home?' He offers and I shake my head. 'Alec is going to take me back.' I tell him and he frowns. 'Are you sure? Because I don't see him.' When I look around, I see that he's right. Maybe he went to the parking lot with Noah. 

'Let's just go outside, he is probably just waiting by the car.' I know that I only say that to convince myself. Please let Alec be there, please, please... But when we walk outside, both Noah and Alec are nowhere to be seen. 'I think they went to the after-party Reighley.' I don't want to be in the car with Jay alone, but the bus is not an option anymore, and I can't walk back home, there really isn't another option. When he sees my face, he brings his hand up to touch me, 'everything will be fine, I have a spare-key remember?' He says and I nod and walk with him to his car.

I open the passenger door and climb into his vintage Porsche. No matter how hard I try to avoid him, I somehow always end up in his car. He doesn't look at me when I buckle my seat belt and I tug at my dress, trying to pull it over my thighs. We sit in silence and he pulls out of the huge parking lot. 'Where did you and Alec argue about? It really looked like a heated discussion.' He finally asks once we are on the freeway, without looking at me. 

He knows! 'Umh...'Idon't know how to explain it to him. how to tell him about all of my struggles and everything I worry about. 'We talked about you and Noah.' I answer him, but keep my eyes fixed on the buildings passing by outside the window. His normal rock music is playing quietly through the car. 'Why?' He wants to know. I sigh,'you know why Jay.'

'Well, I didn't know you felt something for Noah too.' He sounds angry and I ball my hands into fists on my lap. 'I don't know what I feel okay, that's the problem!' I lean my head against the window, trying to create as much space between us as possible. 'You don't have to get so defensive, I understand it Reighley.' 

'Do you Jay?' I snap and close my eyes. I hear him chuckle quietly and he turns the radio off completely. 'Yes I do Reighley, why do you always assume the worst of me? I have feelings, just like you. And to be honest, I struggle with the exact same thing.' How can he possibly strugglewith the same issues? 

'I hope you don't expect me to believe you, because I don't.' I say and I mean every word of it. 'Do you hear how cruel you sound?'He whispers, 'I know that I deserve this for being an asshole, but please listen to me for once.' I stay silent, not knowing how to answer. Is that true? Am I a cruel person? I didn't want to believe him, didn'twant to believe Alec, or Noah. But what if they were true about me? What if Ireally was the one playing games?

We finally arrive at Alec's house and he parks right in front of the door. I reach for the handle and Jay's arm touches my thigh. 'Aren't you going to thank me?' He smiles and I shake my head. 'Thanks for the ride.' I say sarcastically as I climb out. 'See you around.' I walk away and smile, I hear him get out ofhis car and shut the door. 'Wait!' I hear him call after me and I turn around to face him. 'I...' He says and his cheeks flush, 'never mind!' I know he is lying and I want to know what he was going to say, but I am also trying to get over whatever the thing that has been going on between us. So in need to walk away and I do just that. 

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⏰ Last updated: Sep 17, 2017 ⏰

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