P.S I love you #Wattys2017

Chapter Twenty

Follow me on twitter @Anna_Kriztina and use the hashtag #PSILY for P.S I Love You

Beach club Shangri-La was everything that I expected it to be: beautiful, unearthly-like and mysterious. The air was filled with an almost strange vibe that was new to me. It remembered me of the fact that I didn't belong there. That I was an outsider. 

A few spots in the club were illuminated with heavenly white lights, where girls with silver angel wings danced on top of high platforms. Everything here gave me the feeling that I had walked straight into a fairytale. 

'Amazing, isn't it?' Noah stood beside me, his eyes focused on the stage, where I could see my brother checking his equipments. 'He once said that this was his favorite club, now I understand why.' He looked around with bewilderment, and on his face I saw the same emotions that I felt in that moment. 'He inspires me, you know. And not only me, he is a true legend.' He gestured to the other people, who were cheering his name.

I saw someone handing over a microphone to Alec, and almost a second later, his voice shells through the soundboxes. 'HELLO MALIBU!' The crowd immediately went crazy, girls were screaming, and some of them even cried when they heard my brothers voice. 

I wondered how this would be for Alec, what was going through his mind right know, while seeing all these people who were here for him. The music started – Alec's music – and I lost myself in it.

I threw my hands in the air, danced and laughed like the rest of the people. I was here, in this moment. It gave me a rush, felt like electricity was running through my veins. This was life. 'I see you're having fun!' Jay yelled to me, his voice hardly understandable because of the loud music. He watched me, fascination sparkling in his eyes. And I saw how he gazed over my body, taking in my features. 

'Yes, I do!' Suddenly, all the humor was drained from his face and when he replied, his expression bared a hint of sadness. 'I shouldn't have come tonight, I'm sorry.' He looked away, probably searching for the exit. I stopped dancing and shifted to his side so I could meet his eyes. He was probably thinking about the last time, 'you made it pretty clear that you didn't want to see me again.'

'Yeah, you are right.' I replied quietly, 'I know what I said, and I also know it was wrong.' I flashed him a small and innocent smile. When he didn't say anything, I got uncomfortable under his gaze. 'You are staring...' 

And he just smiled, his eyes still locked with mine. There was something strangely intimidating about the way he stared, as if he was trying to figure me out, trying to pierce open my body and see into the depth of my soul. 

I'm going to see where Noah is.' I said quickly, but my attempt to escape was cut short when he wrapped an arm around my waist. His grip was gentle, yet unyielding. 'Don't leave so soon Reighley.' When I cringed back, he dropped his hands. 'I need to talk to you, please.' I swallowed nervously. 

Yes, it was wrong from me to say that I never wanted to see him again. But why did he want to talk with me? We still couldn't get along with each other, and I knew for sure that he didn't like me. So what was this about? 'Okay, fine.' I say, already regretting it.

While we walk outside, we both stay completely silent. I don't know what to say to him, so I simply wait till he starts speaking. I want to deny the things I'm feeling, but I know I can't. A small part of me, warns me, tries to convince me even to walk away from Jay right know. He's bad for you! He will hurt you again, and again and again.

But what if he wants to apologize? What if it will be different this time? My thoughts drift off to a place where Jay was pleasant and funny, and we got along. A place where we could date, and he would take me out to the movies or to dinner. He would put his arm around me and be proud that I was his, he would kiss me goodnight and promise me that he would see me tomorrow. That was what I wanted. 

'Reighley?' Jay says and my thoughts disappear with a puff of smoke. That wasn't reality and the boy in my daydreams would never be Jay. 'What?' I ask, knowing he is up to no good. 'I...' He begins, but he doesn't finish his sentence. 

'When you don't have to say anything Jay, than I'm going back inside.' I could have known... Of course he isn't going to apologize for his behavior. 'I want to say something, really I do, I just don't know how to begin.' He tries to explain. 

'Did you hear me Reighley?' He asks when I don't reply and I feel his hand touch my arm. I directly jerk away from him. 'Yes, I did. And stop looking at me like that!' I snap. 'That is the problem here, isn't it? That I can't stop looking at you.' The words leave his mouth and I consider to walk away again. 'Oh, please!' I laugh. 

'What? It's true.' He must have forgotten that we can't stand each other, that he doesn't feel anything for me. That last part, I am still struggling with. 'You don't expect me to thank you, do you?' He is so confusing. 

He looks over to me with hooded eyes and a slight smile on his lips. 'No, I don't.' His voice is much quieter. He remains silent for a while and I do the same. I have nothing to say to him. Not anymore. 'Can't we just start over?' He asks so softly, that it's almost a whisper. And now I'm the one that is staring. I look at him in complete shock, still trying to process what he just said.

Would he really mean it? 

I know it had been a while, but I really struggled with this chapter and I'm still not pleased with it. It also took me a while because I started at the University of Groningen, I'm studying International Relations and Organization now (in English). And PSILY is very important of course, but my study is more important, sorry guys! 

P.S let me know what you think about this chapter! And don't forget to share this chapter on the socials! XOXO