Catboy

26: lloyd

warning: previous self harm referenced :/ lemme know if you couldnt read and ill dm you a chapter summary!! stay safe y'all

Julian had been out of town for three days now, and Erica had come back to the hospital four times.

She never came into his room, of course- she knew that the nurses would never allow her back in after what she'd done the first time. She'd just stand in the doorway, the same vague smile on her face. Her hands were always in her pockets. He couldn't help but feel like she was hiding a gun.

The second time she arrived,  Lloyd had given in and asked her why she even bothered showing up. She had simply shook her head and laughed. You're such an idiot. No wonder you chose my son over yourself.

Even now, though, Lloyd was becoming more and more aware of how close she was to ruining him. Every time she popped in, she brought him an update on how close she was to getting the college student's entire diary all over the press. Even though he tried to hide it, he couldn't suppress his flinch every time she went through the little details. "And, you know, the editor didn't believe me at first- said we could maybe make it a small article. Ridiculous, right?"

He hated the way she spoke, all jagged edges hastily smoothed over with what she thought was maternal concern. He hated the way she looked at him like he was nothing but a failure. He hated the way she walked. He hated the way she smiled. He hated her.

He hated the way her words stung.

How much of you is a lie?

I hope you die here.

All you do is hurt people.

They're all about to find out just who you really are.

Nobody will love you.

Nobody will care about you.

Everyone will hate you.

Julian will hate you.

He hated that her words had so much power over him.

He hated that everything she said was true.

Right now, Julian was probably far away, blissfully unaware of everything that had happened over the past 96 hours. He was probably checked into some cheap hotel, watching TV and trying to pretend that his mother wasn't closing in on him. He was probably going to be fine.

Probably.

Lloyd, on the other hand, knew he wouldn't be.

Erica had just disappeared from his doorway, leaving him completely alone in his room. The nurses weren't due for another 15 minutes. He hadn't slept for two days. His one eye stung, half-closed and heavy-lidded. He didn't dare let himself relax.

It wasn't just Erica. It was the nightmares.

Every time he dozed off, all he saw was the man he had killed. He was everywhere, floating around, taunting him. He'd smile and speak with Erica's voice. "Did you think that you could get away with this? Did you think that you'd make it out of here alive?" And then Erica's voice would mix with Julian's, and there would be screaming. "Get out, you monster!"

And whenever he woke up, he was crying.

He knew what he had done was wrong. He had known it from the very second he watched that college student run off in fear. He had known it throughout every minute, throughout every second, throughout every hour he spent in the apartment. He had known that he was doing the wrong thing- that he was ruining lives.