Catboy

27

Julian knew he shouldn't be going home.

Every bone in his body was screaming, telling him to turn back. You're heading towards a certain death. Is that really what you want?

She's going to wait for you, and she's going to hunt you down.

She's going to drag you back to her hellhole of a house and begin all of your torture anew. She's going to make you cry, make you scream out, make you ache until you can ache no more.

She's going to destroy you.

The train was pulling into the station.

This is your last chance to turn back.

Julian took a deep breath, squeezed his eyes shut, and picked up his bag.

He'd never had anything worth fighting for.

What could a kid running from a broken home really want? His entire identity had revolved around building up walls. Maybe they had protected him, but they'd also pushed away everyone that he'd loved. He had been alone.

That wasn't worth protecting. That wasn't worth saving.

The train stopped.

He took one final look around the station and stepped on.

He hadn't told Arin or Ky that he was coming home. He didn't want them to get him from the station. He didn't want them to try to talk to him, to try to ask him how he felt.

He didn't want them to try to stop him.

He found his spot easily enough, shoving his bag unceremoniously in the locker above his head. He slumped down in the plush seat, trying to keep his head as low as possible. His concealer was running low, and he knew that the thin layer he'd put on in the morning would fade soon enough.

He knew that he wasn't supposed to be going back to Toronto. He knew that there was no way in hell that it was safe for him. He knew that he would be heading straight back into an old nightmare, one that he had avoided for so many years. The train pulled away from the station. The trip would take just over six hours.

He knew he was going right back into hell, but he was going to do it anyway.

He looked down at his phone.

There were 15 messages from Lloyd, all from 5 in the morning.

julian

i'm so sorry.

i didn't mean to hurt yoyu, i really didn't, and im so so so so sorry.

i did awful awful things and i ruined peoples lives and i ruined YOUR life and im so sorry

i hurt you so much, i made you cry, i pretended you meant nothing to me, i ignored every bad thing that i did. i hurt you so so much and fuck im so sorry

all i ever do is hurt people

i'm a fucking burden to every single one of you.

i can't ever do one good thing

so goodbye.

don't try to message me

i'm turning my phone off, i'm getting out of the hospital tonight, and i'm leaving.

don't bother packing up my shit at the apartment

just throw it out or something, i won't need it. i'm leaving canada tomorrow. i'm going home.