I'm Lost Without Your Love (Trixya)

Chapter 9- Discovering His Addictions

(Trixie's POV)

You know what one of the most amazing things about life, is that you get to wake up next to the love of your life and they would be snuggled into your side, keeping you warm. 

Yeah this is me right now, currently in bed and I've just woken up and saw my sleeping Brian curled up to my side, keeping me warm. 

As much as I was so in love with Brian; my fears of him trying to overdose again were killing me. 

Brian's frightened that I'm going to see him overdosed again and I'm frightened too, that the next time he might never wake up. 

The thought really was killing me because I can't lose Brian and I never want to lose him but when will he relapse again; I fear when he will again. 

I sat up and let Brian slip against my side of the bed; I wrapped him deep in the covers and I got up from the bed, going downstairs. 

I walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on so it could boil.

I walked into the living room and sat down upon it; I was about to see what was on TV until I saw Brian's bag from yesterday. 

I was curious to know what else he brought considering he brought 3 copies of Contact with him, god he is obsessed. 

I walked over to his bag and started to dig through it, seeing what he brought with him. 

Nothing much seemed to catch my eye, just some last clothes that I didn't get from his closet and draws. 

I thought to be nice; I would hang the last of his clothes in our closet and put the rest in the draws. 

I managed to cradle the clothes within my arms with just a hoodie still in the bag, I can come back for that. 

I walked upstairs into our bedroom and dropped the clothes on the bed; I grabbed the boxers and socks and put them in the rightful places in the draw. 

I went back to the bed and hung up the last of his t-shirts and hoodies in the closet in his section of it. 

I walked back downstairs and went to grab the last hoodie that was in his bag.

I took the last hoodie out of his bag but noticed a box in the bottom of it; I put the hoodie down and took the box out, placing it on the floor. 

What the hell is this box, what the fuck does it contain; probably another Contact movie knowing Brian, his secret Contact hiding place. 

I opened the box with my mind convinced that I was going to see another Contact movie but instead of that; my heart sunk in fear and despair. 

What was contained within the box was various drugs from Heroine to Meth, to Marijuana and Ecstasy and various needles and lighters.

"Oh my god baby" I whispered putting my hand over my mouth; I was in shock. 

I finally know how severe my Brian's drug addictions really are; I had no idea he took more than one drug, I thought it was just Heroine. 

Tears suddenly descended upon my cheeks and I just broke down with heart ache; why Brian, you said I would help you overcome and now you're bringing them into my house. 

I knew I should have stayed with him when he went into his old house yesterday, this wouldn't have happened if I stayed. 

I slammed the lid on the box and picked it up, walking upstairs to our bedroom; as much as I knew I needed to be gentle with him, I was angry with him. 

I stormed into our room; ready to give him a lecture and a good kick up the ass when I suddenly saw him peacefully asleep in bed. 

I just stood there staring at him; I couldn't disturb him and as much as I wanted to, I don't want to shock him with my discovery of his drugs. 

I couldn't disturb him; it's just not fair on him to shock him like this and let him see that I've discovered his drugs. 

I walked out of the bedroom ever so quietly and walked downstairs into the kitchen; I placed the drugs upon the kitchen island and sighed into my hands. 

I wasn't even angry at him; my mind was but my heart wasn't, I still love him but I wished he would have talked to me. 

What if he's planning to relapse again behind my back, no get it together, Brian wouldn't do that and destroy the trust. 

I just can't believe what I've seen this morning, it's breaking my heart so much at this point and I just want to cradle him within my arms and tell him everything will be okay. 

I picked up the box and put it in a random cupboard and went onto making a brew. 

Once I made a brew; I walked over to the couch and sat upon it with the cup of coffee in the palms of my hands. 

Oh Brian, why can't you just talk to me; I understand fully that Brian has never been one to wear his heart on his sleeve but it's not like he's never told me any secrets. 

He has talked to me about many issues and struggles within his life and I've always been there to help him and catch him when he falls. 

I tried to have a sip of my brew but I just couldn't; I just wanted to wake Brian up and talk to him but I needed to wait. 

The best way to get through to Brian in a situation like this is to be gentle and calm with him, don't shout because he'll run away, its happened before. 

I eventually put my brew upon the coffee table and laid down on the couch and wrapped myself within Brian's favourite blanket. 

I could smell his scent of cigarettes, Redbull and alcohol; I inhaled sharply and relaxed within his blanket starting to close my eyes again. 

Now I realise just how much Brian is going to need my help and I will help and make sure he gets better because I still love him and forever will. 

I soon fell asleep upon the couch and even though I knew I would have to confront Brian about my discovery, I knew I still needed to be gentle with him.

A/N Well he knows and well you'll just have to wait of his reaction.