I'm Lost Without Your Love (Trixya)

Chapter 27- Into My Veins...

Few Days Later

Possible Trigger Warning

(Katya's POV) 

It should be coursing violently through my veins yet I haven't felt you inside of me for months but now I need you, I want you; I don't care if I overdose I just want you inside of me. 

I shouldn't be going behind his back but he doesn't understand my cravings or the fact that I need to relapse because that's what my body wants, its what I want now. 

I can't do it anymore, I can't fight my cravings off any longer than I have done; I just want you inside of me and we will not tell Brian what I did. 

Its wrong and I'm betraying his trust but he won't find out; I just need this one fix to keep me going through this tour. 

I heard Bianca talking to Michelle the other day and I'm not depressed, I'm happy...but it isn't the truth; the truth is that I'm on my way to a random drug dealer to buy heroine, yes you heard correct. 

I can't fight my cravings any longer; I need heroine and yes I care that I'm going behind my lover's back but he won't find out as long as I only have one fix of this dangerous stuff...just one fix. 

One fix is all I need and Brian won't suspect a thing; in fact I'll feel a whole lot better that I will have my fix because I will have satisfied my cravings and I can relax on this tour. 

I'm sorry that I'm going to betray your trust Brian; please forgive me if you ever find out about my fix on this tour, I just couldn't fight my cravings any longer. 

It was currently 1:35am; I had de-dragged and I was standing in a random alleyway awaiting for this drug dealer who is going to sell me heroine, I can't tell you how much I hate myself but I know I need this fix. 

I never wanted to betray Brian's trust but my cravings are so bad now that I need to satisfy my cravings so I can keep my sanity in place. 

I just hope Brian doesn't find out; I promised him that I would be okay and I know he would never forgive me if he ever finds out about this fix. 

"Are you Brian" I heard a deep voice behind me; I turned around and saw a very tall dark figure walking towards me "ye...yes I am" I gulped as he stood in front of me "right, come on cough up" his deep voice made my spine shiver; this is why you have certain drug dealers who you trust, I mean this guy could be an axe murderer for all I know. 

I grabbed all the money I had and placed it all in one of his large hands; he started counting it and I was becoming anxious on whether this was a good idea or not. 

Clearly it isn't but at least I will get my fix...or so I'm hoping too if I don't get murdered within the next 5 minutes. 

"Right, the H is in this bag" he handed me a small bag containing the substance "and your needle; I've already sterilised it for you" he handed me the needle and I put both the small bag and the needle into my pockets "thanks" I mumbled he just rolled his eyes and walked away from me and his tall figure was slowly fading until I was the only one in the dark alleyway. 

My heart had stopped racing and it has returned to a normal pace; I didn't even know my heart was racing that fast to be honest. 

Instead of staying in the dark alleyway; I started walking back to the hotel as we have a day off tomorrow and I think I need a day off.

I finally arrived back at my hotel and got the lift to my hotel room so I could have my fix which I'm clearly not proud of for doing this but its not going to stop me. 

The only thing that can stop me from injecting this heroine into my body is Brian; if Brian was here right now then he would stop me.

He would wrap me within his arms and keep me calm and comfort me; he would tell me that everything is okay and that he's there for me and staying by my side. 

I shouldn't be doing this to myself nor Brian but it has to be done in order for me to satisfy my cravings. 

I walked into my hotel room and sat upon the kingsized bed finally realising the reality of what I was about to do; relapse and betray my lover's trust. 

I didn't waste anytime in preparing my heroine, ready for the substance to be placed within the needle so I can inject it into my blood stream. 

I grabbed my belt from my pants and slid upon the floor with my back against the bed; I took off my jacket and lifted up my left sleeve. 

I wrapped the belt tight around my bicep near my elbow and picked up the needle from the bed staring at it in great detail. 

Was I really prepared to break my lover's trust but not just my lover but also my bestfriend; do I really want to cause him heartache again. 

No I don't but my mind was telling me one thing and my whole body was telling me another and I just can't fight them both followed by my cravings. 

I'm sorry Brian; this is just a one time thing, one fix and that's it; that's what every addict says and its never the truth, one fix simply isn't enough. 

Admittedly I'm still an addict but whenever I've been with Brian; I suddenly don't feel like an addict, I feel normal. 

"I'm so sorry Brian; I love you so much my baby boy" I whispered and slowly slid the injection into my forearm. 

The excitement has returned; the rush, the pain and the adrenaline of the heroine coursing through my veins into my blood stream, fuck I've missed this so much. 

I pulled the needle out of my forearm and just about placed it upon the bed; I slid my body upon the floor and stared at the ceiling as I let the heroine do its job and satisfy me. 

But something wasn't right; there was another feeling coursing through me and I can't identify it, oh god, what else was it that heroine. 

I'm okay don't think about what you've just injected into your body; I'm fine honestly, god I wish I had Brian right now, I don't feel at all good. 

Eventually I closed my eyes and I was out for the night but I was fearing if I will wake up the next morning. 

Will I even seen Brian again; will he still love me if he finds out that I've relapsed...I love you Brian, I hope to see you if I wake up.

A/N I have more good stuff to come; hoped this was a good chapter.