I'm Lost Without Your Love (Trixya)

Chapter 37- Refused Access/I Love You

(Trixie's POV)

Why is it such a shock to me; I knew sooner or later Brian was going to go into rehab but it was just when he was going to go in. 

All week I've been lying about the house worried sick about Brian as to whether or not he is coping; if he's not coping then I'm not just going to sit here and do nothing but I do want him home. 

I miss him to my very core within me but I understand how much Brian must go through rehab; he's remorse about how much heartache he's putting me through which is why I won't allow myself to give in. 

The only time I will take him out of rehab is if he's causing harm to himself i.e. starving himself or causing harm psychically; the thought of that is sickening me to be honest. 

You always want to know if your loved one is okay all the time but when they're in rehab, in the middle of their programme then you can't help but worry. 

I walked upstairs and sat upon my bed staring at the photo frame of Brian and I; oh how I miss him so much, I just hope he really is okay and coping. 

I was about to lie down upon my bed when I heard my phone vibrate; I turned and grabbed my phone upon the bed and unlocked it. 

My heart sunk in fear when I saw the text message from Brian; he's not okay and he needs me but I am not allowing myself to give in; but he needs me and I can't just sit here and pretend like he's okay when he's not. 

I jumped from my bed and ran downstairs grabbing my jacket, keys and wallet and ran out of the house to my car. 

I started my car up and started driving down to the rehab centre; trying desperately not to have a mental breakdown. 

Its not been long since he got admitted to rehab and already I feel like he's not going to come out alive with the way its going so far. 

My heart was in my gob now and I'm so frightened that I'm going to see him upon the floor and oh my poor baby. 

As much as I want to comfort him like I want to; he needs tough love too but that's a lot harder to give when my heart is just full of love for him. 

*Skipping Drive*

I finally arrived at the rehab centre and ran into the building faster than the speed of light to see the receptionist focusing upon her nails. 

"Hi, I need to see Brian McCook" I said with urgency "I'm sorry sir but I can't allow you to visit him at this time" she said still focusing upon her nails "I demand to see him" I said with anger. 

"Sir starting aggressive behaviour will have you thrown out" she said giving me a stern look "look I just need to see him for 5 minutes" I sighed "visiting time is over; you'll just have to come back tomorrow" she said I sighed and turned to the entrance doors. 

"Come back tomorrow my ass" I whispered and before I knew it; I had ran across the entrance desk down the corridor.

"Hey sir; you have no right to go back there" she said trying to grab my attention but I ignored her; I continued to run down to Brian's room before I saw multiple people stood outside his room, oh fuck what's happened to my baby. 

Concerned for his welfare; I walked past all the people trying to access his room before I felt someone grab my wrist. 

"Sir you have no right to enter this room" he said continuing to grab my wrist "get off me for a start" I shoved his hand off me "and secondly why am I not allowed to enter" I asked looking at him straight in his eyes.

"Because I firstly don't know you or if you have any relationship with Mr McCook" he said as another guy stood behind me to block the door "I'm his boyfriend and I have a right to see him" I said "no sir, you don't have the right; only next of kin and family are allowed to see him" he said.