I'm Lost Without Your Love (Trixya)

Chapter 21- You Can't Be Expected To Pick Up The Pieces

(Trixie's POV)

It was the next day and I have been up all morning; I had breakfast, cleaned the house up and the backyard actually since its been a nice day so far in sunny LA. 

Brian hasn't been up all morning but I know he's alive because he shouted at me for having the vacuum cleaner on before 10AM. 

I was now in my car with one of Trixie's dresses on my way to Bianca's house; I have a rip in the dress and I can't fix it, only Bianca can fix this shit up. 

It was round about 1PM now and I was getting hungry again and...missing Brian; I wasn't just going round to Bianca's about the dress, I found out that she's doing a couple of shows on BOTS tour with Adore and honestly I need to talk to someone about Brian and his withdrawal symptoms because I'm frightened too.

The discussion we had yesterday was so heartbreaking; I want Brian to be happy on BOTS tour but if he's continuously worrying about relapsing then he won't be happy. 

Its not like I don't trust Brian but since I'm not going on BOTS tour; I need other queens to keep an eye on him and make sure he's okay, I know he doesn't need mothering but I need to be worried and make sure the man I love is okay because I don't want to lose him to an overdose. 

I arrived at Bianca's house and parked my car in the driveway and got out of the car with Trixie's dresses; I knocked upon the door and waited for Bianca to answer. 

"Hey Brian" Roy smiled "come about the dress I assume" he asked I nodded "and I need to talk to you about something" I sighed "come on and I'll see about the dress first" Roy smiled and we both walked into the house, closing the door in the process. 

"Danny, feet down" Roy said pushing Danny's feet off the couch; he was upside down, watching something random on TV and it wasn't Drag Race. 

"But baaaaabe; I'm watching something" Danny whined sitting up right upon the couch "I don't give a flying fuck; we have company" Roy said ruffling his hair Danny rolled his eyes and continued to watch his programme.

"I'm sorry about my lazy ass of a queen" Roy said as we walked upstairs "oh its okay; I say the same about Brian sometimes" I smiled a little "hmmm, speaking of Brian; I've overheard your relationship" Roy smiled as we walked into his drag room "I figured when you sent me that tweet weeks ago" I said he rolled his eyes.

"Let me see the dress" Roy said sitting at his sewing machine; I handed him the dress and he examined it carefully, too carefully almost scaring me that the dress might not be fixable. 

"Oh don't worry, I'll have this fixed in no time; grab a chair" Roy smiled, I pulled a chair up next to his sewing machine and watched Roy get to work fixing the rip Trixie made months ago when she fell off the stage like always. 

"So what do you wanna talk to me about" Roy asked as he started to fix the rip "oh, its about Brian" I said "what's wrong; you two have an amazing relationship" Roy asked with concern I sighed.

"RuPaul offered him to go on BOTS tour in a few months time and...his withdrawal symptoms have been kicking in a for few days now" I sighed "I thought he was sober; hadn't taken drugs in a few years" Roy asked "he relapsed a few months back but this is the problem" I sighed. 

"He's so convinced that he will relapse and not control himself whilst on BOTS tour and I don't know what to do" I sighed "firstly you can't get yourself into a state like this when he's already in one; you need to be strong" Roy said as he got some more thread.

"Secondly Brian has to trust himself not to lose control because if he can't control himself, you can't be the one to pick up the pieces" he said returning to his sewing machine.

"I know I'm coming across as harsh but he has to control himself because he can't expect you to pick up the pieces when disaster strikes" he said "look I'll keep an eye on him and Danny will but we won't pick up the pieces; Brian has to and you can't be doing it every time" Roy said holding my dress up.

"There you go; all fixed up and ready to be worn by a clown again" Roy smiled handing me my dress "thanks Roy, you're the best" I smiled "I wouldn't wear it for a few weeks cos the stitching needs to expand a bit if you get my drift" Roy he said I nodded.

"So about Brian" I asked "I think we need a long discussion about him; I just don't want you picking the pieces up every fucking time disaster strikes because its not fair on you" Roy said.

"I know how much you love to take care of him but Brian needs to realise that you won't always be there for him and he has to control himself" he said "but its just... he's frightened out of his fucking head that he's going to make mistakes and relapse behind my back and..." I sighed. 

"Brian trust me; I know how much Brian loves you and he would never relapse behind your back no matter how strong his cravings are, he'll be okay" Roy smiled and hugged me really tight.

"I know Brian would never relapse behind your back but he needs to learn to control his cravings and not get himself into a state, you need to be firm with him" Roy said I sighed "but how; I have a warm heart and I hate shouting even being firm with him" I said.

"And that's what you have got to learn; to be firm and strict with him, let him know that you won't pick the pieces up" he said "can you do that for me because he's gonna need you strong and on board with him" Roy said.

"I know I need to be strong with him but I'm just...oh I don't know" I sighed starting to feel my head hurt "come on I'm sure we can work something out but you must not give up on him because he needs you okay" Roy smiled I smiled.

"Thanks Roy" I smiled "what for; the dress fixing or the long lecture about your future husband" Roy asked I rolled my eyes.

"Baaaaaby" I heard Danny and saw him walking into the drag room "yes my Chola, what's wrong" Roy asked as Danny wrapped his arms around Roy's shoulders.

"I'm hungry Daddy" Danny whined clinging upon Roy's shoulders "go and pick something you want and I'll make it for you" Roy said "yassss thank you baby" Danny kissed Roy and ran out of the room.

"Least you don't have to deal with a whiny lazy ass" Roy laughed and we walked out of his drag room "let's swap lives like wife swap but it would be husband swipe" I laughed "might take you up on that offer to be honest" he smiled as we got to the stairs.

"I know Danny is a bit immature but he might be able to help with Brian if you want" Roy asked "sure, I need all the help I can get right now" I said he smiled.

"Come on, looks like you need a cup of coffee and some food, you look starved" Roy laughed and walked downstairs I rolled my eyes and followed him down into the kitchen where Danny was. 

He was standing upon a kitchen counter; digging through a big ass cupboard, fuck what was he getting. 

"Baby, what have I told you about standing upon the kitchen worktops; hygiene" Roy said trying to get Danny down "I want pancakes baby, will you make them please" Danny asked.

"I will when you get off the kitchen worktop you asshole, fuck off out of the kitchen" Roy slapped Danny with a tea towel and he jumped off and to the living "want any pancakes or something more savoury" Roy asked "pancakes will be fine" I smiled Roy smiled and started to make the requested pancakes. 

I wish my relationship could be like Roy and Danny's; I mean its crazy and Danny acts like a child a lot more than Brian does but drugs aren't a problem in their relationship. 

I'm praying that Roy and Danny can help me with Brian before and during BOTS tour because I don't think I can cope anymore. 

A/N Okay like I mentioned in my Adore Delano fanfic; I'm starting uni tomorrow and I don't know how much I'll be able to update but I'll try my best, hope you enjoyed this chapter.