Skam - Evak

8: It's Okay to be Confused

Even

I've had feelings for you for the longest time, Isak. You have no idea" I laugh back happily.

I keep one hand cupped around his cheek and with my other hand, brush a fallen piece of his hair back. I pull him closer into a hug. He wraps his arms around my neck and buries his face into my shoulder.

I embrace him slightly tighter and wind my arms around his chest. We both were standing in the middle of the kitchen at 3am, latching onto each other. As I was going to pull away, sniffles started escaping from him.

"Isak, everything's okay. I feel the exact same way about you, alright?"

I give a little laugh and look down at him. He still had tears in his eyes and I knew something wasn't right. I let go of the hug and gently place my hands on his neck.

"What's going on?" I ask in deep concern. He rubs his eyes and places his hands inside the pockets of the sweatpants I lent to him. He still wouldn't look up at me, so I let him take his time.

He finally glared up at me, hurt filled his eyes. What did I do wrong? Did I really just make the boy I've wanted for the longest time cry?

Isak paused before speaking.

"Even, I just don't know what's happening. This past week I've been head over heels for you. I don't know what's wrong with me."

He waits for me to intervene, but I let him finish.

"I've never liked a boy before. But since I've been around you, everything has changed. I'm so confused right now. I have never liked a guy before and I don't know how to act around you, or-or what to say or feel when I'm around you. I'm constantly worried about messing up when talking or embarrassing myself when I'm around you. You probably think I'm weird now, you probably think i'm some obsessive freak, and I understand that. I am a weird and confused kid that doesn't know how to deal with his feelings."

I grab him into a hug again and he places his head back to where it was before. He starts shivering and I run my hands up and down his cold arms. I hesitate before being careful with my words.

"Isak, I like you for who you are. It's okay to be confused. It's okay to take time to figure yourself out. You're just a boy who is experiencing something new in life. You don't need to stress or worry about anything when around me. Be yourself, Isak. You don't need any sort of label to tell you how you should feel."

Without saying anything, he peeks up and gives me a shy smile. A shy smile that meant more to me than any "Thank you" could.

Out of the blue, Isak lifts his head and leans in forward. He goes in for a kiss but I quickly turn my head to the side. He looks at me as if he did something wrong.

"Isak, you had a lot to drink tonight. Let's go to sleep."

He nods in agreement and slowly steps over to the couch.

His eyes were now dry and seeing just a hint of happiness in his face made me feel better.

I let him crawl onto the couch first. I pull the warm sheet over the both of us but make sure that Isak has more of it. I turn on my side and face the opposite direction from him.

Without hesitation, he turns towards my side. Unexpectedly, Isak scoots closer and wraps his arm around my body. In that moment, Sparks ran through every inch of my body. This felt like a dream.

His cold arm felt good across my chest. I slid a hand up and put it on top of his. He quietly buried his head on top of my shoulder and I could picture him smiling his genuine "Isak smile."

I took a few moments to shift in place before resting my head down comfortably.

"Are you comfy yet?" Isak whispers.

I say nothing, but instead intertwine our fingers together. It took a few minutes before our bodies started heating up to each other. Once we both started warming up, I felt a sense of safety between us.

If someone were to tell me that tonight I would be cuddling with Isak Valtersen, I'd call them a liar. I almost wanted to laugh at the fact that this was all happening. How crazy, I thought, that this is all real.

I didn't care what Isak would call this, or what he thought of it. It didn't feel unusual or weird to either of us and that's what mattered. Who could resist laying next to Isak Valtersen?

I wanted to stay in this place forever.
Him right next to me and the warmth of our bodies touching together.

He had now claimed the sheets as his own and I couldn't complain. I had the cutest, sleepiest boy right next to me and that's all I needed.

Before I knew it, his breathing got heavy and I could tell that he was peacefully asleep.

I just hoped that when he woke up he'd remember all of this.