Matty Healy Imagines

A Change In Pressure

Word Count: 4,407
Warnings: Drama, alcohol.
Summary: "Love your stories. Could you do one where Matty and his girlfriend break up because of long distance and they haven't talked in like a month but she decided to go to one of their concerts to surprise him (where she stood in line all day just to be front row)."

"Hey, aren't you {Y/N}, Matty's ex?"

You still loved him. You swore you did, even on that fateful day when you both agreed that perhaps the long distance relationship you two led was not working. Matty did, too. His voice thick and laced with regret, he had said how he loved you and how losing you would be the worst thing he would ever have to go through. He also had said that it was for the best. And you agreed.

It wasn't healthy how you had lived. Long distance relationships, no matter how far the distance, were tasking on the two souls involved. It was even harder to hold them when one member of the pair was a rockstar, going from town to town every night, when the other was a girl simply trying to keep her job, deal with family, and pay rent all while trying to find enough time to breathe in between. Messy phonecalls at ungodly hours, quick phone sex when the frustration of being so far apart came to a head, walking into work depressed because calls were not long enough for your liking - they took their toll. And it wasn't only on you. You were not shy to the fact that Matty was being more lazy when he performed, and that he was starting to drink more again. None of it was healthy. That was why you both agreed, however bad it hurt to say goodbye.

The kicker was that life without each other was just as bad, if not more toxic. Heartbreak hit you and Matty in about the same way. Alcohol became a friend, a buddy you both came to love and cherish like the morning sun every day. Its existence in your lives was promised, certain, comforting. Why dwell on the heartbreak when you could dwell on the taste of sharp liquor hitting your tongue, burning as it made its way down and eased your mind?

Such comforts however came with prices. You showed up to work so often with a hangover that you began to slip up. Your boss caught you sneaking liquor, and you nearly got fired. Upon breaking down at that news and confessing to her the reason behind such odd behavior from you, she struck up a deal. To keep your job, you would need to get help. "I don't care who from," she said, "but you need it." And you did. Rather than go to AA, you found yourself going to a therapist. That's what you needed, anyway. Someone to hear your thoughts and tell you the best way to go on from them. Maybe if someone was able to help sort things out, then the drinking would subside.

For Matty, he did not have such a rude wakeup call. For him, it just kept going south. More drinking than before, mixed with a few drugs depending on what area they were in. It was a fall from grace happening at a snail's pace. Fans simply thought he was bringing back the old aesthetic with him carrying a wine bottle on stage. At least, they did at the beginning. As time passed and Matty got more erratic at shows, they began to worry. Heck, even the boys and Jamie began to worry. He was Matty, but too much of Matty. He was hurting - a walking cry for help. He just wanted the guilt and the feeling that he had made the worst mistake of his life in letting you go to go away. He wanted to stop missing your smile, your laugh, your comfort. He just did not know how to reach that point.

One day, late into your conversation with your therapist, she mentioned something about it to you. She told you that she had seen an article written about Matty's destructive behavior, and asked if you knew anything of it. Truthfully, you had not. When Matty and you parted ways, you shut him out. Ever since, you had been as far out of the idea of Matty Healy existing as you could, save for your haunting memories and the pain in your chest. Hearing that he had broken himself so fast, only a month into your breakup, crushed you. It made you want to drink more, to stop the pain. However, stuck in a therapist's office who was specifically trying to get you to stop looking to it for comfort, you could only let the pain hit you. Crying, you asked her why she said anything. Shrugging, she told you that it was because 'you deserved to know', because 'you love him' still. Your mouth fought to protest, but it was not a lie. You did still love him. He still loved you. And that's when it dawned on you that all of this self destruction was coming from that love, and the pain of denying it. Your therapist showed you a video of Matty drunkenly telling the crowd he felt really guilty lately between swigs of his drink. In that moment, you felt a connection to him, to that guilt. In that moment, you were sure you had to make things right.