shawn mendes imagines

Selfish

A/n hello hope you like it. By the way i have 1.7K readers this makes my heart so happy. This is based by come back... be here and Close as strangers.

a/n Read the very end pass my rant and read the special announcement...

It was 2am. Shawn,  Shawn's family and me were in the way to go to the airport. Shawn is leaving again. Honestly i saw him for like 2 days the most. 

Shawn was sleeping on my shoulder. I was looking out in the darkness of that morning while listening to "When we were younger" by Adele. I was singing along and I felt like i was in a music video. 

In a blink of an eye we  were already stumbled through the long goodbye in front of the security.

Shawn kissed me one last time before he needs to catch hes flight. 

I love you. Shawn said while hugged me one last time before he left 

I saw him cross the security.I felt my heart sink  i just broke down.

I felt Aaliyah hugging me.

It's going to be okay y/n I promise.

*a few months later*

I told myself don't get attached, but how could I not. Shawn was perfect. 

I finally had enough of this felling. I felt like my heart was being attacked. I didn't want to miss him this much anymore. I didn't want to need him this way.  

The lack of conversation between me and Shawn was not doing anything better. Those late night calls that only lasted a few minutes that somehow feel like seconds. 

Is this as good as we're gonna get? I think to my self. 

But i can't complain it's just another timezone taking me away from him....  I said to my self. 

I just wanted him to be here. I know it sounds selfish but i just need him here. I needed him to come back.  

I guess hes in New York today, if i knew it would have hurt so much whenever he left i would've never played so nonchalant. 

I decided to go in a walk to try to get myself a little distracted. I see taxi cabs and busy streets, that never bring you back to him, I can't help but wish he took me with him. But he couldn't .... right? I would have just just distracted him. But at least i would be with him. 

I'm sitting in a park bench just looking at the few starts that already came out when i felt my phone buzz. Shawn was calling... 

Shawn's pov  

I had an amazing show and crowd. The m&g got even weirder that usual. But those few hours of happiness disappeared. I didn't have anything else in my mind than y/n.

I'm afraid that I might be losing her....It kills me thinking of her on her own....Every night I'm losing her in a thousand faces ....And I wish I was back home next to her. This were my thoughts every night. Every time the adrenaline of a show went away... that thought was  just consuming me. 

I wish i could talk to her more but i'm so exhausted after every show.  

Every call I feel a little bit further away and i just don't know what to say. 

I decide to not think about it anymore and call Y/n 

~Call~ 

Hello. Y/n says in a quit tone 

Hi love. How are you.?...I miss you. I say knowing she was broken 

Shawn I don't want to do this anymore...I can't.  y/n says totally breaking down. 

Y...I immediately get cut of by her 

This is falling in love in the cruelest way Shawn, his is falling for you and you are worlds away. Her worlds broke me. 

Babe don't say that. It will be okay...I promise. So emm how.. was your day? I said really hoping she will drop it. 

Am i talking on a broken line? For god sake Shawn I'm fucking telling you I haven't seen your face in ages. I feel like we're as close as strangers. Y/n says screaming at the phone 

I don't wanna miss you like this, I know I sound so fucking selfish but i just need you to  come back, be here, and I don't wanna need you this way, I don't wanna miss you like this Shawn. Cause it's not fair that you're not around.Every word she said was like a bullet 

There is a few seconds of silence 

Every day gets harder to stay away from you Y/n.  

I think about you every almost every fucking second. But knowing you will be there when i get home is the most comforting feeling in the fucking world. 

 Won't give up.  I will not give up in us. ...Even though it hurts so much. 

Sha....Y/n tried to talk but i interrupted her. 

 On the phone I can tell that you wanna move on.... Go ahead moovvve on!!   But you know that I'll always wait for you. I said sobbing.  

Cause through the tears I can hear that I shouldn't have gone.  I said in quiet tone 

I'm sorry Shawn. Y/n said crying 

Why are you sorry. I was the one who left. I said 

No its not your fault. I just really really miss you. Y/n i could hear a little smile. That made me smile too. 

I'm getting you the first flit here tomorrow morning. I need to see you.. I said never being so sure in my life 

Will Andrew accept that? y/n said a little concerned 

I'll deal with him . You just pack and bring your cute little butt here so i can hold you. I said smiling like a fool 

A/N I don't know how i feel about it. I hope you like it. I know y/n is a little clingy but i feel like i"ll be the same in a situation like this. 

Rant that i bet nobody will read :(( 

This guy gave me a rose but i do't like him because hes honestly a jerk and a total fuckboy he plays with every girls heart and he broke 3 of my friends hearts so like hes a no no for me. Back to the story so this guys game me a rose and yeah it was cute and all but the guy i like (yes the guy i like is a jerk too but hes so nice to me  i know im a idiot) asked who gave it to me and my friend told him and he got mad and then destroyed the rose because it was underneath my desk and he sits in back of me and then just said oh sorry (but i can tell he was not sorry)  i have him a "are you kidding me"  look and i was kinda annoyed that he did and he noticed and he just tickled me and said things like "don't get mad at me babe"  "I know you can't  stay mad at me hun" . Each time someone mentions a guy that likes me he gets mad and he gets really touchy and cute with me. But he still kinda flirts with my friend but not that much. And he doesn't get like that with her. Still im a fucking idiot I know! 

~ special announcement~ 

If this book reaches  2k readers and 5o votes I'LL try to post once  a week at least and  do one of these 

~do some fan facts about me 

~post a picture of me 

~do both of those 

Haha maybe thas not so exiting for you guys but.... btw this book is honestly one of the things in my life that i like. 

Bye little munchkins!  I really  appreciate and love you guys.