Eyes (Phan AU)

Chapter 13

Dan's POV
(6 months later)

I remember it well. Too well. Sometimes I wish I'd forget, but that wouldn't make it any less real. That night the rain beat against the windows so loud, thunder rolled, lightning struck but there we were; oblivious to it all. We were sat on the sofa, Phil's head was rested on mine, and we were watching some dumb TV show. It felt calm, and nice. I wish it could have stayed that way...

I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. Finally, peace. I had been filming and editing all day, and longing to see Phil again - he was out filming a collab with PJ. I felt his warm touch on my body and I beamed from the inside-out. It felt like we were in our own little bubble, safe from the world. Like nothing could hurt us. Except maybe...

TW: anxiety/panic attack

"D-dan" Suddenly, I could feel Phil tensing up and his pulse in his wrist racing quicker and quicker. "What is it?" I looked over at him - his face was a ghostly pale, even more so than usual. He began to quiver and shake but he didn't speak. "Phil I need you to tell me what's wrong" I tried to speak to him rationally. I watched tears run down his face as he buried his head in his hands. "Phil!" I raised my voice a little now. "If you want me to help time you're going to have to talk to me" He winced and shook his head. "For god's sake Phil! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

I shouted. I shouted at him, and loudly. His head turned towards me and just stared. There was silence. I could feel my eyes begin to sting and my lip quiver as I realised what had just happened. "Phil, were you - were you having a panic att-" "Go away Dan" His voice was quiet. "Fuck Phil, I'm sorry I didn't kn-" "Just go away." His words were clear.

I stood up, not daring to look at him or say a word. I opened the door, but didn't go through. I turned back to look at Phil, who was crying on the sofa. "Phil" I spoke "I'm sorry." No response. I felt a splash of a tear on my cheek and let it trickle down slowly. I closed the door behind me.