Eyes (Phan AU)

Chapter 15

Dan's POV
TW: description of self harm, mention of anxiety/panic attacks

"Dan what were you thinking?! You've been clean for so long!" His words echoed around my head, the shameful pain in my wrist aching with guilt. "I...I messed up" I admitted. "I should have treated you better, it's not your fault you had a panic attack." I remembered everything I had said and my eyes darted towards the razor blade again. But this time Phil saw. "No." He said. He looked upset. "Yes, what you did wasn't the best thing to do, but we all make mistakes - and you've apologised now. You should never take it out on yourself." I nodded, but the words didn't really get to me. "Can I see please? I need to make sure it's nothing serious." The dreaded question. I guess he was going to see at some point anyway...I reluctantly held out my arms.

Phil's POV
TW: SH

Those beautiful arms were covered in deep scratches and cuts. I ran my finger across one. He winced. "Shh" I whispered, rubbing his arm gently. "It's ok". He looked up at me with those sad puppy eyes. He burst into tears. "Phil I'm so sorry." My heart dropped. I pulled him into my arms and caressed his back as he sobbed into my shoulder. It was like we were teenagers again. But we were older now. He had pulled himself out of this habit before, he could do it again.

*        *        *

The next week we worked on mental health. I helped him with his self harm urges, he helped me with my anxiety. We even got apps on our phones for it! I got an app called Calm which helped me calm down after a panic attack and Dan got an app called Calm Harm which helped him deal with his self harm urges. Our relationship was still a little rocky after the incident but we were almost back to normal. Our anniversary was coming up and I wanted it to be really special. I couldn't wait.

A/N: Hey! Sorry it's been so long! I'm struggling with this fic a bit, not too sure where I want it to go. Honestly I hate the first chapters, they're so cringy, and still not in love with these new ones. Let me know if I can make any improvements !

Oh and by the way - the apps mentioned in this fic are real! You can download them on google play or the App Store and they're actually really useful :)