The Girl After

Chapter 39

An awkwardness silent fell over everyone as we stared at the girl. My body refused to move, yet it screamed for me to react in some way. I wasn't sure how I felt about the return. Was I happy to see that she was alive? Maybe a little, though disappointment did show its face. Nobody moved. No one rushed to hug her, no one said a word. Even Jasmine was stricken into a silence. When no one shared Bolin's enthusiasm, he said in a tiny voice, imitating an excited crowd, "Gee, Dakota's back! We're so excited! We're so happy to see you! Yay!"

"It's okay, Bolin," Dakota said. Her eyes were slightly sunken in. Whether it was due to exhaustion or her weight loss, I couldn't determine confidently. She slowly stepped towards us, sending a feeling of alarm through my body. I felt my hand twitch as the urge to bend at her or simply punch her in the face seemed to take over. As if reading my mind, Iroh took ahold of my quivering hand. Dakota's eyes rested on me and I took a step back. "Leinani," she said carefully, "I understand that you're upset—"

"That doesn't even begin to cover it," I spat. My voice shook. "Just stay away from me. J-Just stay away from me or, I swear on your grandfather's grave, you'll regret it!"

"Nani," Bolin said as the beginning of an attempt to reassure of whatever was going through his head. I truly hoped that he wasn't planning to tell me that everything was going to be okay. If he was, he'd better be prepared for a punch to the chest.

"Keep her away from me," I said to everyone as I pulled my arm from Iroh's grip. "I mean it," I affirmed just before bolting away. I wasn't sure where I was going, to tell the truth. I still didn't know the island entirely well. I simply ran and ran until I reached the edge of the island. To be entirely, completely, one hundred percent honest — I only really stopped because I had reached the water. The fear of the water was the sole thing to stop my desperate sprint. I know. How pathetic, I thought, that, even now that I can bend and control water, that I was mortified of it. I stared down into the deep blue as the waved crashed onto the sides of the earth. The impact created a white foam that seemed to mock me.

"Leinani!" Bolin's voice echoed behind me. I cursed and began running again in another direction. Any direction that would get me away from him. I hated running. I really did. I guess it's different when I was on missions for the Triple Threat Triads. Then, I could run miles at my full speed and not be short of breath. Then, I was fueled with nothing but the adrenaline. Now, I was running on an unfamiliar mix of emotions and it felt like my lung was rejecting every breath I took.

I eventually found my way to the temple again and sped inside. As I ran, I may or may not have bumped into my uncles and Master Mika. And I may or may not have knocked the airbendering children and their father from their feet as I jolted into my room. Slamming the door shut, I finally felt like I could breathe. I closed my eyes and held my head in my hands. I began pacing in circles. What would Gran Gran do? How would she handle this? "Stop it," I lectured myself. "You're not Gran Gran. She's not here. Figure it out for yourself." My palms smacked against my head in exasperation. "Think, Nani. Think. Think. Think!"

"Leinani?" There was a gentle rap at the door. Dakota's voice sounded calm, yet a tinge of nervousness revealed itself in her hesitant knocks. "Leinani, I really want to talk to you."

"That makes one of us," I sneered at the closed door. "I told you to stay away from me."

She pleaded, "We can't resolve this if we don't talk about everything that happened!"

"Who said I wanted to resolve anything, huh?" I asked bitterly. My voice cracked as I forced myself to sound more angry than scared and hurt. "We're not friends, Dakota Lee. I don't want to waste my time making amends with the likes of you. So go away." There was no reply. I exhaled and closed my eyes tightly. I wrapped my arms around myself. I wanted Gran Gran. I needed her. I hoped and begged for her arrival. Hot tears stung my eyes and rolled down my cheeks, but I didn't make a sound. I hadn't heard footsteps. I knew that Dakota was still outside my door. Why was she so determined? Why couldn't she just take a hint — more than a hint? I hated her. I hated her for what she'd done: bloodbending me, awakening this unwanted ability to bend. And, deep down, I suppose I hated her for being with Bolin.

Feelings are a weird thing. You could love one person but also love another. You can love them both so much that you're not sure how you could possibly live without either of them, but you know that you can't possibly love them both because it would be unfair to everyone involved. Whereas, you can also despise someone for loving someone that you love just as much as you despise them for hating or hurting someone that you love. You can love someone but act as if you hate them, and they do the same to you. It was all too confusing, all too surreal. I've never been very fond with these sorts of feelings. 

I slowly walked over to my door and sat down. I stared in silence. I could hear Dakota's shaky breathing on the other side. "You've made my life a living Hell since the day we had met," she finally said. "It seemed to be your sole mission. It's still a mystery to me, why you hated me so much — although, at this point, I guess I've given you reason to." She paused. "I really admired you, as much as you intimidate me. You're so strong and beautiful and..." Dakota let out a sigh. "You didn't have to hope that people would notice you. You always got the attention you wanted; you never lived in someone else's shadow. Even after I did to you, I guess I was just hoping that... That we could be..."

Having heard enough, I stood to my feet. I slid the door open and watched as Dakota tumbled forward. A small cry escaped her as she fell to my feet. "Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?" I asked her, crossing my arms as I looked down at her now-skeletal face. She looked up at me with misty eyes. 

"I-I didn't think you were still listening," she admitted.

"And so you kept talking?" I scoffed. "That's stupid."

"S-So," she seemed to be struggling to find the right words to say, "do you... Do you forgive me?"

"No," I said plainly.

Shocked, Dakota staggered to her feet. "But I said —"

I cut her off. "I heard everything you said. But, quite frankly, I don't give a flying boar's butt about what you said," I told her. "You got upset about something that had happened in the past — something that everyone had moved on from and wasn't even thinking about — and you absolutely, utterly ruined my life. Then instead of facing the consequences of your actions like a woman, you run off and hide away like a coward. The most I can do is promise not to kill you, but I can't forgive you for that."

Dakota snapped, "I said I was sorry!"

"'Sorry' doesn't fix what you caused," I shot back, and she shut her mouth. She pressed her lips into a thin line and looked away from me as I went on. "Don't you think we've our own problems to deal with, Dakota? Some of us have our own family issues, our own internal strife. The world and our concerns don't stop just because the Avatar's little lapdog is having some sort of emotional crisis or some spiritual journey or awakening or whatever it was that you were doing all this time." I stopped. Shouting was echoing from somewhere in the temple. Jasmine's shouting, to be exact. "Speaking of which," I frowned, "I have somewhere to be." I brushed past her, but that only seemed to encourage her.

"Leinani, you can't just leave things like that," she called out as she trailed after me.

"Stop following me!" I yelled at her as I followed the sound of my aunt's angered, profane shouting. Dakota disobeyed like the bad little lapdog that she was. Aunt Jasmine's cursing had suddenly fallen silent, which made me even more nervous than when she was echoing throughout the building. In the center of the temple, I found her standing face-to-face with Master Mika with Uncle Klei by her side.

"Jasmine," a familiar scolding voice said, "I just finished scolding your father on our way here for his hotheadedness. I don't want to have to do this again."

"Of course," Jasmine said softly. "My apologies." She and my uncle bowed their heads in respect, revealing two faces that I longed to see. My eyes locked with a pair of golden ones first, one of which was surrounded with an aged, red mark that stretched to almost an entire half of the face. Wrinkles decorated the fair skin, especially when a smile formed upon seeing me. I matched the grin and ran forward, breaking through my aunt and uncle as I embraced Fire Lord Zuko. The hug was tight, and he smelled strongly of ash and various teas. I looked over my left shoulder and matched the grin of the brown-skinned woman. We shared the same dark hair
(hers now riddled with grey), the same sandy complexion, the same heart-shaped face, the same sea blue eyes (though, mine had amber-colored speckles around the iris). She smiled and spread her arms as she approached me and hugged both me and her husband. 

"Saki. Zuko." Mika smiled gently yet with great unease. "What a lovely surprise."