Erwin x OC | The Girl From Outside

Chapter 34 - Numb

Erwin~

I dragged my sleeve across my eyes, wiping away the remnants of tears that had fallen as I watched the love of my life transform into a monster.

I found my horse on the outskirts of the forest, waiting obediently. Luckily, all the titans in the area had been attracted to the Female Titan's call, so I had no problems tracking down the formation.

  "Erwin" Charlotte whispered, placing her hands on mine, where I was attempting to remove my gas tanks. "Stop. I've got a plan" 

I shook my head, trying to force Charlotte out of my thoughts. She lied to me, she lied to everyone, so why was I still thinking about her?

I felt the eyes of disbelieving soldiers on me as I rode through the formation, towards the front. I didn't blame them for thinking I wouldn't come back, I was just dreading having to explain Charlotte's disappearance. 

Finally, I reached the Command squad.

Mike, who I had left in charge, cried out when he saw me.

"Erwin!" he yelled. "I didn't think I'd be seeing you again!"

Despite the sickening feeling in my stomach and the daggers in my heart, I dared to smile.

"Have a little faith in me next time"

Mike returned my smile, but I watched it fade when he noticed Charlotte wasn't by my side like she always was.

"Charlotte...?" Mike asked, his tone delicate, as if he was being careful not to hurt me. Little did he know, the damage was already done.

I decided not to respond, I just set my eyes forward and focused on getting back to Wall Maria.

It was a mistake to fall for her, the only person you can put your faith in is yourself.

Charlotte~

Finally, after what seemed like years of gruesome fighting, the titan hoard had been demolished.

Before the fateful expedition, I had no idea about the true extent of my abilities, but I suppose after everything that happened to me, at least something good came of being subjected to Fidel's experiments back in Wall Sina.

At least I was able to save Erwin.

My heart ached as I remembered Erwin's horrified face as our eyes met. He was truly disgusted by me, but then again, so was I.

I woke up, the exposed muscle of my titan body hot against my skin. My titan form fell to its knees, steam erupting from it at an alarming rate.

I managed to prise myself from the nape, pulling my arms and legs from the monstrous flesh that seemed to have fused with my human body.

My uniform was ruined, my shirt and jacket ripped in various places, my trousers covered with blood. Even the survey corps logo on the front of my jacket was hanging off.

I climbed onto the head of my, slowing disintegrating, Titan body, and grasped onto a nearby tree branch. I was thankful for the sturdiness of my military boots as I climbed up into the safety of the tree.

As soon as I decided I was at a safe enough height, I allowed myself to sit down, dangling my legs off the branch.

The sun was setting over the forest, there were no people, no horses, there weren't even any Titans to be spotted at that moment in time. I was all alone.

And just then, I couldn't help but wonder:

Is this the way it's supposed to be?

Erwin~

A knock at the door.

"Enter"

I watched as a stone faced Levi walked into my office.

He was wearing civilian clothing, but there was something about his expression that didn't seem right.

I knew why he'd come.

"Where is she?" Levi barked.

I ran a hand through my hair.

I loved her, I really did. Only a day ago I would have given anything for that girl, I'd have spent the rest of my life with her. I might have even abandoned my position as Commander for her.

But now, that very thought frightened me. What could have possibly been going through my mind when I thought I would sacrifice it all for one woman? It was probably a good thing that she revealed her abilities to me, because it aided me in seeing the error of my ways.

"Erwin? What happened to Charlotte?!" Levi demanded.

But I wasn't happy about it. I wasn't happy that I could see more clearly now that Charlotte was gone. I wasn't happy that she was a titan-shifter.

I wasn't sad either, that I'd lost the love of my life, or that she'd lied to me for so long.

You could say, I just felt numb.

I looked up at Levi, he was desperate for answers, desperate to find out what had happened to his dear friend. But I was Commander of the survey corps, the military branch with the most overwhelming death toll. What I had to say to Levi was no more than what I had been forced to say to hundreds of other parents and brothers and aunts, who were anxiously awaiting the return of their loved ones.

I exhaled.

"She's dead"