Milly's Wrath

{Part Nine}

Waking up Monday morning seemed to be a chore. Getting ready was a  blur, and before my thoughts switched to remind me I had to be strong, I already felt weak. I wanted to be strong, but the reality of that actually happening was thin. I could feel the weight of life weighing me down every day, and it was even more evident of how much I depended on others to bring me happiness. 

I looked in the mirror to make sure I at least looked presentable. I didn't want to look as hollow as I felt, because that would only bring questions. This weekend I already had to curse everyone out to let them know I wanted to be alone. Looking back, I could of just turned my phone off, but I didn't want to do that. Maybe I was hoping Xavier would call and tell me it was all a joke, or maybe I just wanted to know at least some people cared to call and wonder of my recent absence. Or maybe it was a sick combination of the both.

My outfit showed no hint of sorrow. A white crop top with red mug lips, and blue bulletin ripped jeans with white Converse with a red and green stripe going through. I combed my hair until onlt the faintest curl was seen in them and placed a white snap back with a red crown on my head. Checking myself in the mirror, I applied a coat of Ruby Red lipstick. I almost never wore this, but it felt right to put it on today.

The beginning of my school day was a blur. Everything went as it normally would. but I could tell everyone was slightly on edge from when I went off on Saturday. In my mind it wasn't that bad- I simply told everyone I didn't feel like being bothered with their bullshit. Looking back, I could somehow see where the tension came from.

Sitting at the table with a tray of uneaten food, I decided to say something. "Hey.." They all- meaning the dancers and some of the basketball team- looked at me. "I'm sorry about Saturday. A lot was happening and I just wanted to be left alone."

Kimbrea smacked he lips. "Girl, that was nothing. We all have out period days."

"Ewe." Sean scrunched up his face. "I don't got a vagina."

"And yet you still act like a bi--" Sean grabbed Kimbrea from her place on the table top and sat her in his lap.

"What was that?" He questioned. She curled her lips in her mouth and shook her head, earning a laugh from him. My stomach churned in envy.

Envy? Since when did I envy people!?

Getting away from people, I put on a fake smile and stood up to empty my tray. When I was questioned about where I was going I simply told everyone I had an assignment I needed to complete. They bought it since I never virtually finished any work until it's due, and it's February. Since everyone was either in the cafeteria or in a classroom, I found a windowsill in a rotunda to sit in as I contemplated my life; something I did too much over the weekend.

Dad- abandoned me.

Mom- Abandoned me

Countless foster homes- abandoned me

Xavier- Abandoned me

I didn't want to wallow in my sorrows like some love sap teen, but how else do you handle constantly being abandoned by some of the people closest to you? How to you deal with constantly seeing people with their parent every day? Being at school with my friends,I envy them complaining about their mothers actually caring what they wear and how they do in shool. They complain about fathers being too over-protective, especially when it comes to boys, and yet my own dad didn't give a rat's ass about me when he left me to venture by myself in the world. Him an d my Mom can rot for all I give a fuck- it's not like I could tell them from a nigga on the street anyway. That's probably how they wanted it.