M.D.J.

M.D.J. [129]

M.D.J.

I'll be having a rant here.

First, in this house, no one knows me aside myself. So, I expected that they nag about things far from my personality. My father says, I've changed. Yes, I know that. BUT they did not know is that they are part of the reasons of my changes. I have tried to  express my real self but all they did was to get things worse. So what I did was I showed them the person they want to see in me. They judge without hearing my side. Was that my fault? I have tried so many times to express my opinions, and thoughts but they always cutting me off, that means they are not willing to hear me.

Because of that, I have decided that I will keep those things in myself. No one know who I really am.

Did they see my cry, aside those childhood days? No! They did not know that I have cried many times in front of them! but they did not even noticed it. Well, how did they know if I am not crying literally. Haha! Funny right? Did they know my favorites now? I don't know.

My father also says, He doesn't know

me anymore. How does he know me if he is not willing to know me? I've already said that I have tried many times to express myself but they ignore it but put things worse.

Second, if he sees me spending more time using my tab, it doesn't mean I am texting! if I am texting, it doesn't mean I have a boyfriend! Di ba pwedeng mga close friends ko especially my bestfriends?! Hindi ako nagpapaload ng halos isang school year kasi nagkikita naman kasi sa school. Ngayong summer lang ako ganito.

Did they know that marriage is out of my plan?! NO!

Fourth, they are always reacting before they know the reason behind. Inuuna pa ang salita.

Kung alam lang nila.

Lastly, ako na lang palagi. Sa tuwing may mali, ako ang nakikita kahit hindi naman ako ang may gawa. Pagka ba kapatid ko ang sumasagot sa parents kahit intentional yun, pinabayaan lang. Pagka ako kahit unintetional kasi sa may mga times na hindi ko na mapigilan at sumasabog na ako sa sama ng loob, ako na! Oo, alam kong panganay ako pero may excemption eh! Dalawa lang kami, dapat pantay!

Kung iniisip nilang dapat ako ang model ng kapatid ko, pwes kung alam lang nilang ganyan na ang ugali niya noon pa lang. na khit ako sinasagot na. so wala akong magawa kundi idefend ang sarili ko kahit na ang Only way ay makipagsabayan sa kanya.

I have tried to give her morals but all she did was to cut me off by sarcasm!

I remember the day I first burst out. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko dahil sa ilang years ko dinala ang sama ng loob. that was the first time. pero yung kapatid ko na araw-araw ganun, harap-harap pa!

That was the start of my changes.

If they just knew.