Denial

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Rae

I didn't know where I was running to, all I knew was that my body was telling me to keep going. I had to get as far away from that place as I possibly could. The familiar rush of adrenaline tore through my veins, my pulse increasing as I pushed myself to go faster. My arms pumped at my sides, keeping in time to the pounding of my feet. The heat radiating off my body prevented me from feeling the chill in the air, but even if I could feel it, I would have pushed on rather than turn back.

My mind kept turning back to the scene at the house. I'd just gotten back from my run, which was cut short by the appearance of Lincoln. A pang of guilt pierced my heart. I knew from the beginning that getting involved with him wasn't the best idea, but I'd ignored it. Warning bells had begun to go off in my mind a year after we started messing around. Now, because I'd ignored all of the signs and warnings, he wanted me to officially be his girlfriend. He's been asking for the last 4 months, but I just can't do it. I don't like him like that. The sex is okay sometimes, but usually, I'm left feeling dirty and used.

I want to say these things to him, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. He's a really great guy and would be perfect for anyone. Anyone but me.

I shook my head, driving Lincoln to the back of my mind to keep memories of my father company. But, as soon as I did that, thoughts of what transpired back at my 'home' returned to the forefront of my mind. There was the disgusted looks on Lexi and Junior's faces. There was the confusion and anger on Carey's face. Joe was more mortified than anything. He works closely with Terry on a day to day basis. Derrick never judged me, considering he'd been there before dad died. I think he sees through some of my bullshit, but I won't acknowledge it. I can't. If I did, then everything will come into the light.

My secret.

My worthlessness.

And my involvement in daddy and Shawn's deaths.

And Emily's death.

What makes it even worse was the kindness and understanding I saw on Serenity's face. No one's ever looked at me like that and it scares me. It fucking scares the shit out of me. It didn't help that sweet little Gideon was sat right next to her, staring at me in concern.

I violently shook my head to clear my mind of their faces and ran harder. My breath was coming out in gasps. I could just barely make out the light scraping of the dogs' claws against the pavement through the pounding in my ears. I knew if I tried to maintain this pace for much longer, Phoenix might hurt himself. He was built for power, not speed.

I forced myself to slow into a light jog, and then slow into a walk. As the pounding in my ears died down, my senses were assaulted with the fast, gasping breaths the dogs were taking. Immediately, I regretted forcing them to come out with me. They'd had a hard run already today and here I am about to run them into the ground.

In the middle of cursing myself for my stupidity, my eyes locked onto a familiar chain-link fence. Looking up, I saw the light blue, modern, two story townhouse. There was a sedan and a minivan in the driveway, so the owners of the house were home. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent a quick text.

Less than 5 minutes later, the front door swung open and a pretty brunette peered out at me for a moment before a broad grin spread across her face. "Hey, Rae." she called.

I opened up the fence and let the dogs in before making my way up to her. "Hey, yourself. Are your parents home?"

The brunette shook her head no. "They went out to dinner. Probably won't be back until late tomorrow morning." She leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms, watching me as I approached. Her light grey eyes glowed gently in the moonlight as they greedily ate me up. "You look like hell. Come on. You can use my shower and I'll fetch you a change of clothes."