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Chapter 19: Emptiness

"Harry?" the knock on the door annoys me and I turn the iPod on the dock up. "Harry you've been in the shower for a while, please come out. I'd like to say goodbye to you before I leave." My mother presses and I try my hardest not to lash out again. I stay leaned against the shower wall as the scorching hot water comforts my tense and tired muscles.

"Fine, I'm leaving now Harry. I love you." The words bring disgust to my frown. "I'm sorry." I barely hear the two words she's been saying for the past 4 days. I clench my fist trying to keep away from grabbing the bar of soap and shoving it in her mouth, her big ruin everything mouth.

I hear the bed room door clothes and I finally turn the water off. She has done nothing but ruin something that was none of her business. She's quiet her job from Kristin's magazine and has already got a job somewhere else. George has surprisingly forgiven Kristin for her mistake that happened 18 years go. Lydia hasn't spoken since the night she let me cry in her arms, or cried in each other's arms. I guess they finally pushed my mother out the door and I'm next.

I pull on my sweats and rest my head in my hands as I sit on the edge of the bed. Another knock on the door someone enters and their black dress shoes give it away. The bed dips next to me but I just keep to my folded position.

"I've ruined this family." George speaks but I ignore him. "Here, I've gotten a good deal on a condo next to the University." I feel cold keys on my lap and I sit up.

"I don't want it, if you're going to kick me out do it now, don't sugar coat it." I push the keys back into his hands and he shakes his head.

"I want you to have it, the place is paid off and it'll just grow dust please." He sets the keys on the dresser on his way out. "And we weren't going to kick you out, just your mother. Stay as long as you want." He shuts the door and the tears I've been holding in start to come out.

That place was supposed to be ours, Harry's and Mia's place. Past four days have been hell, never getting sleep, not feeling hungry. Just hungry for her in my arms again, hungry for her sweet laughter, her smile, her- god I'm torturing myself. I don't care if it's the only way I can see her in my mind I'll take what I can get. I lock the door and crawl into the cold empty bed.

I turn the pillow next to me and press it to my chest, nothing could replace her soft perfectly fitting body. I hug the pillow tighter to me and close my eyes and imagine her next to me. Day 5 will start in a few hours and I don't think my body, my mind, my stomach can take anymore of the pain knowing I will have another sleepless night.

I will always love you, "I will never stop Mia." I say out loud as her words replay in my mind. "Mia if you can hear me, come back take away the pain that burns my heart." The cries take away the breath and I take a shaky deep breath.

"Mia!" I silently cry out again.

"Harry can I come in?" Lydia quietly knocks on the door and I cover my mouth to hush the weeping. "Harry please." She pushes but it's not annoying. I wipe my face and fix the bed before I unlock the door. I don't open it but she already knows and welcomes herself in. I walk to the bath room and splash water on my face.

"Are you okay?" Lydia asks as I'm leaning on my hands against the sink. I just let my head hand low, trying to suppress my lament. I glance at Lydia and the shirt she is wearing shows off the barley baby bump. She sooths her stomach as a real mother would.

"Do you want to hear the truth or a lie?" I look away from her.

"I think we've had enough lying for the holidays." She follows me into the bed room and sits next to me.

"Then no." I rub my face and sigh.

"I know I should be mad at you but I'm more mad at myself." I turn to her and she has her shirt lifted and she traces her fingers along the developing stomach.