Fade To Grey

2

Ashton had been sleeping more and more lately. His body was always near exhaustion from the constant internal warfare, and his mind, although still rather sharp and aware, seemed to prefer sleep to the sharp pain of being awake. Renee knew that, but she also knew that he was only staying awake and fighting for her. That if he didn't have a soulmate to worry about, he probably would've given up a long time ago. And that tore her apart, it made her feel selfish for wanting to keep him by her side, but she also didn't know what she would do when he left. It would be like losing part of herself.

So she gripped his hand tightly, not sure if she felt elated or awful that she was glad he was beginning to wake up.

"Babe?" Renee asked softly, caressing the side of his face while he groaned and squinted.

When Ashton's eyes focused they immediately turned to his wife, and his lips upturned in a light smile, "hi baby."

Renee was already holding back tears at the sound of his voice and the little smirk on Ashton's face made her sputter out a laugh. It reminded her of the smirks he used to send her way often, usually accompanied by inappropriate humor, or suggestions of what they should do later. She hadn't really seen it in the last month, and was glad that it would be there one more time.

"Are you laughing at me?" Ashton tried to ask her gruffly like he used to when teasing her, but it elicited a coughing fit from his weakened lungs and throat.

Renee's amusement was gone as quickly as it had appeared, replaced with concern as she tilted his bed a little further up, "shhhh, you're going to make it worse."

"I don't think it gets much worse than this," Ashton said weakly. And he was right. He was an echo of his former glory. Once a tall, muscular, healthy man, he now couldn't even leave his bed. His formerly sun-kissed skin was pale from the lack of natural light, and his muscles had long ago atrophied away. He was thin now, his face sunken in, eyes usually bloodshot from all the drugs he was on with huge purple bags under them that made him look even more sickly. His veins were dark purple trees curving up and around his limbs and torso. Ashton used to have long blonde hair that was just on the right side of messy but now it had thinned considerably and looked dead and greasy. He just, wasn't himself anymore, not physically.

"Don't say that." Renee didn't want to talk about him dying. It was too real now, too raw.

But it wasn't something Ashton could ignore, "I'm being honest Rey." His big watery hazel eyes looked into her with enough sincerity and love to keep her from complaining again as his shaky hands gently held her own, "I'm not gonna be here much longer." Ashton didn't sound scared, he sounded sure, and confident, he had to be strong for her despite being so physically weak.

"Ash," she choked on the single syllable, wishing she could look away, but she didn't even have the strength to break the stare.

"Shhh," he reached up and thumbed away a tear that was running down her cheek, "it's okay. I've had a lot of time to think in the last two months and I know it's just my time. I wish I could stay here with you and we could do all the things we talked about. But I can't. So when I die." He stopped for a moment and steeled himself, Renee wasn't sure if it was because he was preparing for her reaction or he just didn't want to say it, "I want you to be happy. With someone else."

That sentence was all it took. She hunched over completely in her seat, unable to do anything other than sob at the idea of ever being with anyone else. Ashton was it. He was her soulmate, they were made for each other. Deep sobs wracked through her body as she cried. He was dying and all he was worried about was her. Talk about a guilt trip. She held his hand even tighter.

"I couldn't. Ashton no, don't even say that," she begged.

She was crying so loudly that she could barely tell Ashton's weak voice was trying to speak to her, so Renee forced herself to quiet with a few deep breaths, looking back at her love's face, still handsome in her eyes no matter what he looked like.

"Give me your hand," is what Ashton said, looking rather close to tears himself. His lip trembled as Renee held out a trembling palm, still stained with her tears.

Ashton pulled it up to his face, lightly kissing her knuckles before digging something out of his gown's pocket and pressing it into her palm. He curled her fingers around it and looked into her eyes, "I love you Rey."

And Renee's eyesight blurred again as she pulled her hand close to her body and gently uncurled her fingers and saw Ashton's wedding ring in the palm of her hand.

"I want you to be happy. I love you Rey," he said again.

And it was a good thing that Calum walked in when he did because Renee looked close to collapsing and Ashton was laying back on his bed, gasping for air.

He rushed in just as the nurse came by to check why Ashton's vitals were fluctuating so badly and grabbed a crying Renee who nearly fell out of her chair.

The nurse's eyes widened at her patient's state and she rushed in as Calum heaved Renee up, and onto her feet, "you don't need to be in here for this," Calum said to her as he began to pull her out, "he wouldn't want you to."

"CODE BLUE!" The nurse screamed as he flatlined. She began to do CPR as the room flooded with other doctors and nurses.

Renee's eyes couldn't be torn away from Ashton even as Calum pulled her out the door. She was too weak to resist him so all she could do was stare as they all rushed around and began shouting things at each other she couldn't understand in her distress.

Calum pulled her all the way out and across the hallway, into the little sitting area in the center of the hospice area of the hospital. All Renee could do was cry more and collapse into the chair, cradling the ring to her heart.

And Calum copied her, sitting down on the chair next to her and burying his face in his hands as he let out a shaky breath. He may not be Ashton's soulmate but he was his friend for the vast majority of his life. And he knew that that was going to change soon, because Ashton was going to leave him and Renee.

He was forced to listen to her loud sobs and the shouting still audible from the hospital room as they futilely tried to revive his friend.

Renee could hear too, and all she knew was that even though Ashton was ready to go, she wasn't. And despite his encouragement, she'd never move on.

Half of her died that afternoon on the hospital bed. She could feel him go even before the sorrowful doctor walked over to break the news.

She knew right away, because along with Ashton's last breath, went the color red. She had just calmed enough to breathe when it happened, the doctors had stopped shouting at each other and for a brief moment she had thought that it was because they had gotten his heart to start again. But then the outsides of her vision dulled slightly. At first she thought he was passing out, but as the circle gradually tightened, steadily eating away at the image of the hospital around her, she realized that it was only becoming less vivid. Less red.

When she looked up, completely panicked at Calum, she didn't see his face flushed from crying, his skin had lost all warm undertones and how was more harshly tinged with blue and green. A loud cry left her throat as she looked down at the worn hospital chair, it had been a deep maroon only moments ago, but now it was a dark grey.

Her first color had faded to grey.

THANKS FOR READING, COMMENTING, AND VOTING!

Inform me of your opinions (and I'm sorry if it made you at all sad)

- C8lin