Fade To Grey

4

Renee had always particularly hated funerals. She hated the invariable sadness that permeated funeral homes, the gothic outfits worn by mourners, but most of all, the gloomy aura that burrowed deep into the minds of all the attendees that soured moods long after the dead was buried.

But her previous aversions seemed so trivial now. The sadness of the venue was incomparable to the one in her heart, her temperament was permanently tainted with grief and black just seemed to show on the outside what she was seeing and feeling on the inside.

This is what she dwelled on as she dressed herself for the final goodbye to her husband. A black dress limply hung over her dejected body, and despite her only really picking at her food it felt rather tight. Perhaps weeks of picking up meals to and from the hospital had added to her frame. Luckily she didn't much care what she looked like to others, and without a single glance in the mirror she slipped on her shoes and walked out the bedroom door.

The apartment was crammed full of people considering both her parents and her in laws were staying for the next few days, and she walked into the kitchen to see everyone else already in various stages of eating breakfast. Harry, who was in only a slightly better mood than the night before, was picking the crust off of a piece of toast he didn't seem to have a lot of interest in eating. Sitting across from him at the kitchen table was Lauren, who looked up at Renee hurriedly, and away from her bowl of soggy cornflakes.

But it was her mother who first spoke up, "good morning dear. Would you like anything to eat?" She asked gently, in the way mothers often do when they want to persuade their children to do as they ask rather then force their hands.

Renee only shook her head and took the seat next to Lauren at the table. Her stomach was empty, but it was her heart that kept her from being hungry. She couldn't even think of food when she was about to bury her husband. She twisted her wedding ring round and round her finger, choosing to frivolously occupy her mind over anything else.

And despite her obvious no to any breakfast a single piece of toast was placed in front of Renee by her mother who had no intention of letting her daughter starve herself. "You need to eat something," she said with slightly more authority than last time.

Just to appease her, Renee took a bite of the toast and then set it back down on the plate as she slowly chewed. It felt like cotton in her mouth and she would've spit it out if she was able, but instead she swallowed it down and pushed the plate away. She'd eat later when she had an appetite.

Anne came in a few minutes later, already with fresh tear tracks down her face and Renee was just trying not to start crying yet because she knew once she started she wouldn't stop. But she managed to keep it together as their private procession walked down to the lot in front of the building and all squeezed into Renee's seven passenger SUV. It had been one of the first things Ashton had ever gotten for her, it was used but in good condition, far better than the ancient rust bucket she had been driving previously. He claimed that he didn't want her car to break down and leave her stuck somewhere unsavory, and while she didn't doubt that she also suspected he just liked spoiling her and seeing the look on her face when she saw it for the first time.

The ride there was silent. Renee's father drove and besides the occasional mumble of navigation nobody spoke. The air was already thick with the ancient odor of sorrow and they all stunk of it by the time they got out of the car and into the parking lot of the funeral home.

Other mourners would be arriving shortly, so they hurried inside, ushered into the area where the service would be held. The room looked like a chapel, but next to the pulpit there was a casket instead of an altar. Long benches trimmed with green bows tied to the tops on either end filled the left and right quadrants of the room, leaving a wide aisle way in the center that led straight up to the body. And that's where Renee was pulled, inexplicably up the aisle toward Ashton. She had made this journey once before, but that time her dress was white and not black.

She passed all of the pews and frilly green bows up onto the front platform. Her eyes never wavered from the casket where Ashton was laying, not until she could stare at his face again.

And when she finally approached after walking for hours upon hours she gazed down at him, looking at the man who was once very much alive, but no longer. And she didn't know what she expected but he was still and laying in a nice suit with his eyes closed and his face painted to look like there was more color in him than there had been in a long time. His skin was again a bronzy tan and the greyish hue on his lips told her that they had been colored something close to red. And it was this that made him look more alive and like himself that made her most sad. Her husband hadn't looked himself in months and yet now in his death he looked closer to life than he had in such a very long time. And it was that realization that made her eyes grow wet and tears travel down her cheeks as she stared and stared and stared. This was the last time she'd get to look at his face in anything more than a photograph or memory.

And when all of the sharp lines and smooth curves were committed to memory she looked away. "Goodbye my love."

As soon as her eyes left his skin the outside of her vision again began to shift and change. She said nothing, already having anticipated losing another color sometime at the service. This time it was blue, she knew it when she looked out the large windows and saw nothing but a dull grey expanse of a sky.

Blue was the color of sadness but what she felt was so far beyond being simply sad calling it so would be cheapening the emotion.

It was fitting it was next to fade to grey.

Thanks for reading, commenting, and voting!

Usually I have a plot planned for these things but I'm honestly just winging this book and going off of vague half-baked feelings

THANKS TO Doodle5sos FOR TELLING ME HOW FUNERALS WORK BC I'VE NEVER BEEN TO ONE

Notify me of your judgement

-C8lin