Fade To Grey

3

Renee's eyes slowly opened to reveal the same plain old white ceiling of their bedroom. And maybe she shouldn't be calling it "theirs" since Ashton wouldn't ever be sleeping in it again, but she couldn't look at anything in there that didn't remind her of him, so it felt unfair to count him out.

His toothbrush was still in the little holder in the ensuite, his deodorant on the counter, his closet full of clothes, and the pillow on his side of the bed still faintly smelled of his cologne as Renee couldn't bring herself to wash it away

Even the walls that they had painted together, now a medium grey to her, but in reality a vibrant red. Ashton had insisted on the color because they had first seen red after exchanging telling each other they loved each other for the first time, and to him, red was the color of his love for her. But she couldn't see red anymore, or Ashton.

The room screamed Ashton, full of solemn reminders of what she had lost. All of his things were rather reassuring when he first went to the hospital and she was sleeping in there a few nights a week, that he was still there even when away. But now they just made tears prick in the corner of her sore eyes.

It didn't feel like she'd ever stop crying. Nothing didn't set her off as her raw soul, torn in two, was sensitive to any reminders of its other half.

Which was understandable considering it hadn't even been twenty four hours since she'd lost him, but already everything was happening and she had no time to mourn. She had had to call Ashton's mother, and her own. Calum had offered to do it, but it just felt like it was her job. She had been his wife. They deserved to hear it from her.

She called her mother in law first. Anne Marie, who was well aware of Ashton's condition, broke down as soon as she picked up. She knew that he was gone and mourned with her daughter in law for a solid half hour before either were able to even discuss funeral arrangements or when they'd get to Saratoga.

Speaking to her mother wasn't much better. She too, knew that her son in law wasn't doing well, and her heart sunk when she heard just how broken Renee was. She did her best to console her daughter over the phone but a voice, even as soothing and familiar as a mother's, can only do so much. With the promise that she'd be there as soon as she could, Renee's mother hung up, leaving her daughter all alone in an apartment meant for two.

And if it wasn't for the fact that her mother, and mother in law along with Harry and Lauren were all arriving Renee wasn't sure she'd be able to drag herself out of bed at all. Her life just felt so empty and hollow. She had taken a leave of absence from her job to spend time at his side when it got bad but that was gone now. It was all just gone.

But she was still here, and she used all of her willpower to swing her legs over the side of her bed and leave the scent of Ashton behind to hobble across the cold wood into the bathroom. She cried while brushing her teeth and hair, and again in the closet when she saw all his things.

She just managed to stop when she saw his wedding ring sitting on the kitchen counter where she left it. And she must be dehydrated by now but she cried again anyway, and carefully placed his ring in her pocket so it would be with her all day. It was like having a little piece of him.

She sniffled into her cornflakes, it was the only cereal she could stomach at the moment, until there was a knock at the door letting her know that somebody had arrived.

Standing shakily, Renee wiped her cheeks dry and carefully walked to the front door of the apartment, opening it to reveal Anne Marie, Lauren, and Harry.

She didn't even have time to say hello before her mother in law had pulled her into a hug, eyes leaking at the sight of her eldest daughter and Renee squeezed back tightly, fighting to keep her own face dry in the presence of so much gloom.

"I'm gonna miss him so much," Anne leaned away and furiously wiped at her own face.

Renee was given the opportunity to then hug the solemn faced Harry, who was clearly trying to be his mother's rock, and Lauren, who was already shedding tears again because just seeing her brother's wife made her think of him.

The four of them settled in the living room, and had only just began to discuss the funeral when someone else was at the door and Renee had to get up again to go get it. This time it was her mother and father, and she was embraced by family for the fourth time in twenty minutes as their arms encircled their daughter and gave her their sympathies.

"His family is here too," she choked out after a moment, "they're in the living room. We were talking about the funeral."

And the six of them talked about Ashton and what he loved and what he wanted.

"Green," Harry said, "green was his favorite color."

"And he was always picking daffodil's in the yard," Lauren sniffed and wiped at her eyes.

"He told me that he'd come back and haunt me if I didn't play Carry On My Wayward Son," Renee almost smiled at the memory of Ashton threatening her, mostly because at the time the idea of him dying was only a joke.

"Daffodil's and green and a Kansas song," Anne Marie looked down at her hands and smiled, "sounds like Ashton."

"I wish he was here," Harry's voice raised an octave and he stared down hard at the carpeting while blinking furiously and wiping at his eyes.

"Me too," Renee agreed with a sad sigh, "he didn't want to leave any of us."

"But he did," Harry's voice sounded rather angry and his fists clenched as he stood. "It's not fair!"

And he ran off, somewhere else in the apartment. Probably to cry, Renee thought.

And she couldn't blame him. She couldn't stop crying herself.

Basically just a filler chapter of tears oh joy

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