We Just Are (GU #1.5)

27 : finale

• to everyone who's been there since Bad For You until this last chapter of We Are, thank you. no words can describe how grateful i am to each one of you. •

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Tahimik, malamig. Iyan ang mga salitang maaring makapaglarawan sa lugar na kinaroroonan ko ngayon.

Hindi ko nga alam kung ano bang itatawag dito. I could not see anything aside from the vast ground covered with golden sand. That was all I could see and nothing else. No trees, no water, not even the sun, moon or stars. Just nothingness.

Then it made me think, is this heaven? Did I already die?

But then, I also thought, isn't heaven supposed to be a wonderful place where you will no longer feel pain? Fear?

If yes, then this must not be heaven, because I was hurting and definitely afraid of the odds that I'll never see the people I love again.

Nang pangalawang beses kong imulat ang mga mata, nasa panibagong lugar na ako. This time, it looked familiar. Iyong puting dingding, iyong pagtunog ng aparato sa gilid, maging 'yung bulto ng lalaking nakaupo malapit doon sa gilid ng kama, ang mga kamay ay nakahawak doon sa pasyenteng nakahimlay doon.

Nakatingin pa rin ako doon nang unti-unting napagtanto kung sino ang nakikita ko ngayon. The guy was Slade and I was the patient lying down in the hospital bed, unconscious.

Humakbang ako papalapit, ang mga mata'y hindi inaalis sa natutulog kong sarili.

"Celestine," I heard Slade speak softly. My eyes went to him and saw his hold in my hand tighten. "Wake up, please. I miss seeing the sparkle in your eyes." He reached out his other hand and gently touched my eyelids.

"I miss seeing your smile," he continued, moving his fingers down to my lips, tracing its corners. "I miss the sound of your voice." A beat before he added, "I miss you."

Slade closed his eyes. Binawi niya rin ang mga kamay na nakahawak sa akin at pinangtakip iyon sa sariling mukha. There was a pained groan from him. At sa basag na boses ay sinabi, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Nakatakip pa rin ang mga kamay sa mukha niya't kaya't hindi ko makita ang kanyang mga mata. But his voice was a major giveaway. I knew he was crying. And I hated it. I hated that he's hurting too.

Inalis na ni Slade ang mga kamay sa mukha at muling tiningnan ang natutulog kong sarili. Hinawakan niyang muli ang kamay ko. "I'm sorry I did this to you. If not for me, you won't be there now."

I wanted to argue. I wanted to tell him it was not his fault. That if the same thing would happen again, I'll still do the same. I'd take the bullet for him. Because that's how much I love him.

"A while ago, I talk to him. You know I was never prayerful, but there's no one I can go to and...I really feel hopeless and I remember when I prayed to him when I was a child and he answered it...

"So I'm taking a chance now, hoping he'd do the same. I kind of bargained with him, Celestine. A really one good bargain I believe he can't say no to. Of course, hiningi kong gumising ka na. 'Yung kapalit?" tumigil si Slade at napansin kong mas humigpit pa ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin. At that, I didn't feel at ease at all. Lalo na nung dinugtong niya, "You'll know it once you wake up. So, please wake up my love. Please wake up."

I was about to take a step close to him when everything started to disappear. I remembered I screamed but even my own voice I failed to hear. And I was in oblivion again.

Dinig ko ang pagtunog ng monitor. Dama ko ang temperatura ng paligid, maging ang kamay na mahigpit na nakahawak sa kamay ko. Marahan kong iginalaw ang mga daliri ng parehong kamay. Doon unti-unting lumuwang ang pagkakahawak sa akin, kasunod kong narinig ang pangalan ko, tila sabik na sabik iyong tinatawag.